


everything will be washed away by the rain

by candybeat



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Descendants of the Sun, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Military, Minor Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung, Minor Lee Jeno/Zhong Chenle, Mutual Pining, Trope-Typical Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:01:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21643354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candybeat/pseuds/candybeat
Summary: Jaemin's latest military assignment is an 8-month tour that brings him to the hot sandy desert of Uruk. The last thing he expects is the person he's been running away from to be there too.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Comments: 39
Kudos: 163
Collections: ’00 FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	everything will be washed away by the rain

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Prompt #00113: 
> 
> "DOTS! au in which donghyuck and jaemin fall in love under precarious situations and the warmth of the sun!!! (doesn't matter which couple they are portrayed as!!! could be captain yoo/doctor kang or lieutenant yoon/sergeant seo)"

To say that it was hot would be an understatement. Jaemin stands, unmoving, and could feel the beads of sweat slide down his back. If he was barefoot, the soles of his feet would most likely be burnt, and yet, even wearing the military mandated boots didn’t really make him feel any better.

When Mark had approached him with this assignment, he had made it sound exquisite. One Thursday night in winter, one of the first few days back from an overseas assignment, and Mark had asked him if he wanted to get a drink with him. Mark, who was one of the first friends he’d made after he’d joined the military, with his easy-going attitude and smile, a constant at the turning point of his life; well, when Mark asks, Jaemin could never really say no.

_The smell of burning meat, the sound of laughter and the hiss and pop of a beer can permeate the air, and Mark leans over, dropping a slice of pork belly on Jaemin’s plate, and then starts, “I have an assignment looking for a team, and I’d like you to join.”_

_Jaemin looks up from the meat he was eyeing to level Mark with a stare, “I just got back from a five month abroad assignment, and you want me to jump back in again? No, thanks.” Well, Jaemin can pretend he can say no._

_“Jaemin,” Mark whines, waving his chopsticks around, “you haven’t even heard about the assignment yet!”_

_“Hyung,” Jaemin starts with a pout, turning the tables on Mark, “I thought you wanted to catch up, but it turns out you only wanted to meet about work. I’m insulted you care so little for our friendship.”_

_Mark rolls his eyes, grumbling under his breath something low that Jaemin couldn’t hear, “I’m bringing it up with you primarily because of our friendship. Why couldn’t all of you be like Jeno?”_

_This piques Jaemin’s interest, “Jeno’s in?”_

_Mark snorts, “Now you’re interested? For your information, Jisung is also in. So is Yukhei and Yangyang.”_

_“What is this, a reunion?” Jaemin was familiar with the lot of them, of course. Jeno and Jisung were members of his training group too, back when they were all still in the military academy. Yukhei and Yangyang, Jaemin was less familiar with, but had known them as Mark’s friends, foreigners just like him._

_Mark ignores Jaemin’s comment, “The higher ups had come to me with an assignment and asked me for the, in their words, ‘best team I could put together.’”_

_Jaemin leans back in his seat and raises a brow, “All of us have never even been in a team before, for a real mission.”_

_“But I know you,” Mark counters back, “I know all of you like the back of my hand. I know that when the buildings are crumbling down, when the world is ending, you guys will always have my back and I will have yours.”_

_Jaemin sniffs and tries not to show how touched he is by Mark’s sentimentality. Tentatively, he asks, “where is it?”_

_Mark must know he’s got Jaemin, because he grins wide, beaming. “Uruk.”_

_“Uruk?!” Jaemin exclaims, “of all the damn places. I thought the President had pulled all troops from that area.”_

_“It’s a peacekeeping assignment,” Mark starts, and Jaemin’s heart tugs at that. “This isn’t war, Jaemin.” It’ll be easy, is what Mark wants to say. But it never is._

_“It always ends in it,” is Jaemin’s resigned response._

_“That’s what we’re there for, silly. To make sure everything goes smoothly. I’ll tell you more about it once you’ve officially signed your life to me.”_

_“Ha, ha,” Jaemin mocks, “isn’t it like hot as hell over there?”_

_“No!” Mark denies and then babbles on, “it’s all sand and the vision of the sea, for as far as the eye can see. Aren’t you sick of freezing to death?” Mark was the one from Canada, you’d think he’d be more inclined to below-zero temperatures._

Jaemin kicks the sand and wipes the sweat building at his temple, “Fucking sea for miles, my ass.”

An arm swings around his shoulders, and then a huge weight suddenly jumps on his back, threatening to break his back. “Na Jaemin!” a voice suspiciously sounding like Park Jisung yells at his ear, and Jaemin fights to twist around and escape from these hooligans. He elbows a body and hears a yelp. He smirks.

Jaemin looks up to see Jeno clutching his side, “That’s what you get for ambushing me.” And then turning to Jisung, “And it’s Jaemin-hyung to you, you twerp.”

Jisung stands tall, smirking as he gazes down at Jaemin, “Pretty sure I’m taller than you now.”

Jeno finally recovers and stands up as well, helping Jaemin out, “We haven’t seen you in a while, and you don’t even return our hugs? Where did the old Na Jaemin go?”

“Yeah, it’s been what, 6 months?” Jisung says, counting the months on his long fingers.

Jaemin doesn’t like to think about why he hasn’t seen his friends for 6 months. Why he said yes to a mission abroad without telling anybody else about it first. The memory of laughter, of golden hair spread upon white sheets, and sunlight filtering through comes unbidden -- Jaemin shakes his head.

Quite frankly, this was not the welcome he expected from his friends, especially from Jeno. Maybe the others don’t know but Jeno does. But all Jeno gives him is a kind smile, like everything is alright and so, Jaemin pretends that it is.

“Oh?” Jaemin says, trying to steer the conversation away from a land mine, “Are you saying you miss my kisses, Jisungie? All you had to do was ask.”

Jisung grimaces, taking a step back, “Jeno-hyung, keep him away from me.”

Jeno laughs, letting Jaemin out of his hold, and watches as Jaemin immediately lunges towards Jisung. “You think I can stop Jaemin? That’s funny.”

Jisung lets out a full body shiver as Jaemin puts him in a chokehold and plants a wet sloppy kiss on his cheek, “Jaemin-hyung, you are so disgusting!”

A cough interrupts them, and the three of them look over to see the source of the noise. It’s Mark standing in his full uniform, with Yukhei and Yangyang by his side. Before they can exchange any further word, Mark raises a hand, “I hate to break things up, but the general had asked us to come inside. He’d like to brief us further on the mission.”

Everybody straightens up at that. Mark barely has any authority over his rowdy group of friends, but this is one of the rare times where everybody immediately listens. He feels a hand, gentle on his shoulder, and when he looks back, he finds Jeno looking at him with an indecipherable look on his face. Jaemin wants to ask, what is it, but there is no time.

They follow Mark inside the camp.

\--

There is one thing that makes Jaemin curious about this mission. If it was a simple peacekeeping mission, why ask Mark to bring the best team for it? To Uruk of all places, where their country’s army has already supposedly pulled back from.

He is further surprised when it’s General Lee who walks into the room for briefing. General Lee Taeyong is one of the highest-ranking officers in the military. He’s highly decorated and known for leading the most dangerous or high-profiled missions. His presence makes Jaemin anxious. 

General Lee is intimidating, not only for his reputation or his looks. He puts the fear of god in men with one look, and none of them can look at him straight in the eye until the man takes a seat and says, “Stand down, men.”

He presses a button and the projector lights up the screen in front of them. The image of a young man, smiling brightly, is projected on the screen. Jaemin recognizes him as Zhong Chenle.

“This is your mission,” General Lee says, “He’s the son of the Chairman of China, our friendly neighbor. He has come here to lead a joint humanitarian effort between our two countries, bringing with him his team of doctors. Their goal is to help decrease the mortality rate of the children in the area.” 

He flips through a couple slides, and Jaemin tries to absorb the information as they go. General Lee continues, “The goal of your team is to protect them. Our troops have pulled back from the area, but there’s still skirmishes from forces trying to fill the vacuum of power left behind. Mr. Zhong is important enough to cause a war, so I cannot stress enough the importance of ensuring his safety.”

“Captain Mark Lee and I have already discussed the timeline of this mission,” _8 months here_ , Jaemin’s mind helpfully supplies, “I will leave it up to him to discuss with you the finer details of your assignment as well, as I have to leave soon to receive Mr. Zhong and his team.”

Before General Lee can stand up, a knock on the door gives him pause. “You may come in,” General Lee bellows, and the door opens to a sight that knocks the air out of Jaemin’s lungs. If the sight wasn’t so arresting, he would notice how General Lee’s stern expression finally makes way for something soft, how Jeno’s expression does not look shocked at all, how Mark’s eyes rest on him as if waiting for a reaction.

It’s been six months since he has seen this man, but nothing has changed. Jaemin cannot look at anyone else once Lee Donghyuck is in the room. 

\--

_When Jaemin first meets Lee Donghyuck, he doesn’t think much of it. He wasn’t anybody special really nor does Jaemin remember their first meeting that clearly. It seemed like at some point he just became part of Jaemin’s new set of friends._

_If Jaemin digs hard into his brain, this is his first set impression of Lee Donghyuck:_

_It’s of him getting drunk in Hongdae. Well, it would be unfair of him to single him out as a drunkard when the rest of his friends were just as wasted as he is. It’s a typical Thursday night, after a long day of training, scratch that, it has been a long week of training. Their group had been aching to let loose, and they usually go out on Thursday nights anyway to get dinner together._

_Jaemin hadn’t known how crazy they would go. They start off slowly. As the oldest, Mark gets pestered to buy drinks for the table and he resignedly asks the nice ahjumma for 5 bottles of soju to share. Sternly, Mark warns, “I’m only buying one bottle for each of you.”_

_Jeno and Donghyuck cheer, like little devils. Jaemin laughs at them, while Jisung looks apprehensive. Having gotten their first paychecks, they go all out on ordering. Jaemin had been the designated griller. Well, Mark had offered to grill first, but after seeing his shaky movements on cooking the meat, Jaemin had immediately stolen the tongs from him and had asked him to stay put._

_As the meat sizzles hot on the grill, Donghyuck grabs a hold of one of the soju bottles, swirling it around, before slapping the bottom and twisting the cap off. “Ya, ya, line the glasses up for me.”_

_Jisung dutifully lines the shot glasses and Donghyuck fills them all up to the brim. Jeno slaps his back and says, “Hey, I am not bringing your drunk ass home.”_

_Donghyuck immediately fires back, “My drunk ass can take myself home, thanks.” He then sets one glass in front of everybody and raises his own._

_“Fuck training,” he says, full of emotion and the whole table cracks up._

_“Oh my god,” Mark says, looking around to make sure none of their superiors are there._

_Meanwhile, Jisung raises his glass, clinking it with Donghyuck’s, “Say it louder for the people in the back.”_

_Jaemin, feeling the warmth of camaraderie, raises his glass and Donghyuck and Jisung beam at him. Meanwhile, Mark and Jeno raise theirs reluctantly. “Cheers,” Jaemin says and downs the drink, wincing at the bitter taste._

_Looking around the table, he sees all of them have similar expressions. He makes eye contact with Donghyuck, who gives him a small smile before reaching for the tongs on Jaemin’s side. In comparison to the noisy Donghyuck he’s seen next to Jeno, the teasing one next to Mark and absolutely next to Jisung, the Donghyuck beside him is quiet as he flips the meat around, preventing them from burning to waste._

_When the pork belly is ready to be cut, Jaemin sees Donghyuck struggling with the scissors, “If you hold the meat up, I’ll cut it.”_

_“Thanks,” Donghyuck says, flashing Jaemin a quick smile, before handing him the scissors._

_Seeing the meat ready to be eaten, the other guys act fast, picking the pork belly and dropping it to their plates. Jaemin smiles, thinking about how cute they are. When he looks back over at Donghyuck, he’s diligently filling their glasses again with soju. Before all the cooked meat is gone, Jaemin picks off the remaining pieces and puts a couple on Donghyuck’s plate, and the rest on his. Then he throws the rest of the uncooked slices of pork belly on the grill, catching Donghyuck’s attention._

_Donghyuck looks over at his plate and notices the cooked meat on it and looks back and forth from Jaemin to his plate so seriously that Jaemin laughs. “It was burning,” Jaemin says._

_He throws Jaemin a wide-eyed look, before clearing his throat and looking away, “Thanks, anyway.”_

_Jaemin just shrugs and continues to flip the meat on the grill._

_Later on, Donghyuck has managed to convince Mark to buy them three more bottles for the table and has managed to wheedle Jeno into drinking most of them. Jisung looks sleepy and Mark’s face glows red, so red he could be a stoplight._

_When Donghyuck starts slurring, Jeno, even under the influence, has enough wits to stop him from getting even more fucked up, “You need to go home.”_

_And Donghyuck whines, “But we’re just getting started, Jenooooooooo.”_

_Jeno slaps a hand on his mouth to shut him up, before turning to the rest of the table, “One more glass and this kid is going to black out, I’m gonna take him home.” And then he stands up and almost topples to the ground._

_“Woah,” is Mark’s slurred reaction, before breaking into a laugh, “I think you need to go home too, Jeno.”_

_Like old men, with creaking bones, they all stand up and shuffle outside the restaurant, a cool breeze sweeping through like fresh air. Jaemin takes stock: Mark’s face is red but he’s standing steadily albeit his eyes are heavy-lidded; Jisung just looks sleepy, whilst Jeno and Donghyuck just look...messy._

_“I think,” Jaemin starts, pointing at Jeno and Donghyuck, “that those two should not go home by themselves.”_

_Donghyuck has his arm around Jeno’s neck and is attempting to put him in a headlock, while Jeno is trying to throw him off. Mark nods, exasperated, “Jeno and I live around the same area, I’ll take him.”_

_Jisung hesitantly looks between Jaemin and Donghyuck, and Jaemin sighs, “It’s fine, I’ll take him home.” This soft spot Jaemin has for the kid will be the death of him, he swears. Jisung gives him a big grin, and Jaemin reaches out to ruffle his hair. “Go home, kiddo.”_

_Jisung gives a wave and walks away, heading to the nearest subway station. Jaemin sighs and turns to see Mark attempting to extract Jeno from Donghyuck’s hold. Jaemin immediately goes to help him out, pulling Donghyuck away who suddenly quiets down._

_“You are a terrible drunk,” Jaemin laughs out, when Donghyuck wraps his arms around Jaemin, “where do you live?”_

_Donghyuck slurs out, “Apgujeong,” and Jaemin almost drops him._

_“You live in Apgujeong? Ya, I can’t believe you made Mark-hyung buy us drinks.” Jaemin adjusts his hold on Donghyuck’s waist and moves towards the edge of the street. There’s so many people trying to grab a taxi and Jaemin can barely raise a hand to stop one because of how much of a dead weight Donghyuck is trying to be._

_“I’m not rich,” Donghyuck protests, trying to shove himself away from Jaemin, “You’re just poor.”_

_And Jaemin is fighting against the urge to drop Donghyuck on his ass, but Jeno would kill him so he resists, “If you keep bullying me, I will leave you here to die.”_

_Donghyuck gasps, comically, “Na Jaemin, you wouldn’t. What if somebody kidnaps me? I’m very important you know.”_

_Jaemin doesn’t doubt he’s important; he can see it in the way Donghyuck walks in the world, the way he’s bright and shameless, how he holds his head high with no regard for how people will view him. Entirely different from how Jaemin holds himself._

_Thankfully, before Jaemin is required to respond, a taxi stops in front of them and Jaemin all but shoves Donghyuck in the backseat, to Donghyuck’s complaints._

_Donghyuck already looks a bit sober, if not for the red flush that travels from his neck down under his shirt. Donghyuck spits out his address to the taxi driver and tries not to groan when he settles back to his seat. He gives Jaemin a glare, but Jaemin doesn’t care._

_“You’ve got more of a backbone than what I would have given you credit for.”_

_The bigger person in Jaemin knows he shouldn’t respond back and let Donghyuck stew, but the desire to shut him up and have the last word has never felt as strong within him as it does now. Jaemin gives him a smirk, “And you’re more annoying than I ever thought you were going to be.”_

_They fight all the way home._

_So, this is Jaemin’s first impression of Donghyuck that really sticks with him: he’s a big pain in the ass._

\--

After the briefing was done, after Jaemin had sat in silence looking straight at a point in space, after hearing that Lee Donghyuck would be an important asset to the team, Jaemin had walked out first, ignoring his team’s calls.

Jaemin steps out in the hot heat of the Uruk desert and lets out a defeated laugh. Everywhere he goes it’s suffocating.

“Jaemin,” a voice calls out to him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaemin asks. Mark had known and had let him come here and commit to this 8-month mission, knowing Lee Donghyuck was coming here too.

“If you hate it so much, you can leave,” Mark says, and Jaemin spins to find Mark with his arms crossed against his chest. Mark sighs, “I’m tired of you running away, Jaemin. Face your fears.”

_It isn’t just fear_ , Jaemin wants to say, but Mark continues on, “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, because neither one of you will say anything. And Jeno won’t betray Donghyuck’s trust. But both of you are my friends, and I want you guys to be good again.”

Jaemin grits his teeth, looking at the ground, “I don’t know if we can be.”

Mark looks tired, “If not for me, then do it for the sake of the mission. You know who Donghyuck’s father is, right? Messing up is like career suicide.”

“We’re protecting a bunch of doctors,” Jaemin says, “how hard can it be?”

\--

Mark drags him and the rest of the team later on to meet the team of doctors they were supposed to protect. To simply call them doctors would be an understatement. This is Zhong Chenle’s team, celebrities in their own right. Zhong Chenle is smaller in person than how Jaemin pictured him to be, yet when Zhong Chenle greets them, voice loud and cheerful, Jaemin can understand how this kid just draws people in.

Time Magazine had named him as one of the 20 influential people in their 20’s. If Jaemin had the time, he would have read that Zhong Chenle finished med school the same time people were finishing their first degree in university. Zhong Chenle drives a limited-edition Tesla. Zhong Chenle will probably cure cancer and discover the secret to never dying.

Jaemin expected a chaebol, some snotty kid with a rich, influential father, with more incompetence and air in their brains than any actual intelligence. Or even some kid who was too focused on their work, who had never learned tact or any social skills growing up.

Zhong Chenle is neither of those things. He bows to Jaemin and the rest of the soldiers and when he rises, he greets them with a terribly cute smile, like a puppy. Jaemin wants to pinch his cheeks. “Please take care of me!” Chenle shouts, and the rest of the doctors echo his words and bow.

It’s a whole lot less formal than that after. He sees Donghyuck at the corner of his eye. Somebody had once said distance would be good. Out of sight, out of mind. But here he is, in another country, in another time, and his body is a compass and Donghyuck is the North.

An arm wraps around his shoulder and he startles out of his thoughts, “Penny for your thoughts?”

When he turns, he’s met with Liu Yangyang’s cheshire smile. “Na Jaemin, you are a sight for sore eyes.”

“I look terrible, I know,” Jaemin laughs, big and loud, and Yangyang mirrors him, squeezing his shoulder.

“Your vibe has been off,” Yangyang jokes, but his expression melts into something more genuine. “Haven’t seen you in months, by the way. I hope everything has been okay.”

Jaemin feels warm at that. He had been overseas, had jumped at the first opportunity to get out of the country, and while he had managed to run away from the one person he wanted to, he had unintentionally ran away from everyone else. “It’s been okay,” Jaemin smiles, reassuringly.

Yangyang pats his back, satisfied at his answer, “Things will look up. It’s weird to see you so quiet.”

It’s been months, Jaemin wants to say, wants to know when things will start looking up. As if on cue, he hears a loud yelp, high pitched and Jaemin would know that voice anywhere. When he turns to the source of the noise, he’s surprised to see Donghyuck in a headlock, this other man’s bony arms wrapped around his neck. Jaemin’s body tightens, poised to move and take action, but then Donghyuck laughs, big and loud with his head thrown back, and so does the other man.

Donghyuck turns around and wraps his arms around the other man, who fits right in his arms. It looks comfortable, like they’ve known each other for years. Yangyang follow his gaze and says, “That’s Huang Renjun, if you were wondering.”

Jaemin shrugs, finally turning away. “I wasn’t,” he denies, looking around to mind his own business. He doesn’t have the right to know.

\--

_Jaemin doesn’t know when it’s become a routine. Every Thursday, their little troop goes and grabs a drink. And just like the first time, they drink more than they should and slowly stumble their way home. Lee Donghyuck clings to him, like wet clothes on skin, and Jaemin cannot wait to get home to change._

_Ever since Donghyuck has realized that Jaemin was lying and would not let him die on his drunken way home, he had whined and whined for Jaemin to walk him home. Not that Jaemin needed much convincing, he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing his friend had been assaulted on the way home, when he could’ve just walked with him._

_Jaemin lets himself be pulled. He wonders if this is how Lee Donghyuck makes friends, pulling and pulling until the other person doesn’t have a choice but to fall in his trap._

_When he complains to Mark that he’s tired of always being the designated person to walk Donghyuck home, Mark gives him a weird look. “You know he’s never really drunk enough to not walk home by himself, right?”_

_“He’s a rich kid, Mark,” Jaemin says, exasperated, “What if he gets mugged because he was flashing his stupid Rolex watch out at night? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”_

_Mark levels him with a stare, and Jaemin watches in horror as a sly smile grows on his face, “Just admit that you like walking him home, Jaemin. It’s not a crime to like taking care of your friends, even if that friend is your so-called frenemy.”_

_Jaemin gapes at him, “I am doing this out of the goodness of my heart!”_

_“Yeah, yeah,” Mark waves him off, “I think this friendship is good for you, I’ve never seen you so vexed. But if anyone is capable of inspiring strong emotions in people, it’s Donghyuck.”_

_Jaemin thinks of Donghyuck’s grip on his arm, the whiny high-pitched voice that he uses to make Jaemin walk him home, the way he pouts and pouts until Jaemin gives in, “Yeah, inspiring the emotion to puke.”_

_\--_

“Can you tell Jaemin to stop glaring at me?” Renjun mutters, as he bends down to stretch his legs. The sun was high, and its rays were hot, Renjun felt even more uncomfortable whenever he’d look to the side and meet the soldier’s fiery gaze.

Donghyuck snorts, following Renjun’s movements, “Just ignore him. He’s probably mad you keep on trying to flirt with Jisung.”

Renjun fights a grin, shrugging, “He’s the one flirting with me.”

Donghyuck laughs and schools his face into a frown as he looks over to where the other soldiers are gathered, “Jokes aside, don’t play with him, okay? He’s just a baby.”

“He can be my baby,” Renjun jokes, but when Donghyuck just sighs, he drops it, “I’m not the same person I was when we first met, you know?”

Donghyuck stays silent on purpose, and when Renjun hits him on the shoulder, he bursts into laughter, “I’m kidding! We both had fun and neither of us were hurt. I wouldn’t have dated you if I thought you were some playboy.”

“Oh?” Renjun says, glancing over Donghyuck’s shoulder, “What about that one? Is he a playboy? Is that why you broke his heart?”

Donghyuck doesn’t look back and doesn’t answer.

“He’s pretty. Probably prettier if he wasn’t glaring at me.” Renjun continues on, and when Donghyuck continues ignoring him, he kicks him in the leg.

Donghyuck yelps in pain and immediately moves to kick Renjun back. “Can you not talk about him? It’s putting me in a bad mood.”

Renjun laughs, patting Donghyuck’s back, “I already know. Jisung told me when I asked nicely.”

Donghyuck sighs, and Renjun wraps his arm around his shoulders, “It isn’t like you to be so affected. It’s been months, Hyuckie. You deserve to move on and be happy too.”

“He can’t even look at me, Jun. What have I done that’s worth that kind of treatment? Why am I being treated like I’m the one who did something wrong?” Donghyuck smiles bitterly.

Renjun says nothing for a while, only rests his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I brought it up. I didn’t realize it was that serious, but it sounds like the kind of hurt that’s hard to forget.”

“It’s alright,” Donghyuck pinches his nose, and then tugs at Renjun, “let’s go on that run, before Jeno sees that I’m upset and gets concerned.”

Renjun breaks into a jog, following after Donghyuck. The compound their medical facility/military camp is in is wide. It’s strategically not in the best position. There’s a large pad within the vicinity, which is where their plane landed when they first got there. It’s sandy, hot and dry. There’s a village nearby, small and struggling, a rural area filled with children. It’s one of the reasons why it’s been chosen by Chenle’s team of doctors.

There’s a small group of children that they always run into when they’re jogging, even though they’re just jogging within the perimeter of their base camp. This particular group of children are a curious bunch, climbing up the wired fence like it was a playground. There was a little kid in that group that Donghyuck adored. He was a tiny little tot, who was too small to climb up the fence, but what he lacked in height, he made up for in the brightness of his smile.

He had a little gap at the front, but he smiled big just the same. He knows he shouldn’t do it, but Donghyuck always sneaks a piece of candy in his pocket when he comes to see the little boy. They do a little trade of sorts. In exchange for the candy, the little boy pays him in flowers that he picked on the side of the road.

Renjun teased him over it, saying he’d never seen Donghyuck so kind, so sweet, or so soft. Donghyuck had roughly pushed him on their way back and laughed when Renjun actually tumbled down.

Today, however, when they pass by the fence where the kids usually play, they’re not there. Donghyuck wonders where they could be and slows his jog to a stop. Renjun follows suit.

Renjun places a hand on his shoulder, as he pants, “Weird that they’re not here today, huh?”

Donghyuck pats his pocket for the candy that he saves for the boy and frowns, “Maybe, they found somewhere else to play.”

They finish their jog and think no further on it. But then, they don’t see them the next day, or the next, nor the one after that. He knows that there’s probably a good, simple explanation as to why they haven’t found them playing by their camp border, but he can’t help but feel like something is wrong.

His gut instinct is proven right a week after that when they’re about to close their clinic for the day. It was only Renjun and Donghyuck left. An older boy comes crashing in, and the soldiers stationed around the tent immediately run in, but Donghyuck stops them before they can do any harm.

Once the commotion settles, it is evident that this boy is not well. His eyes were bloodshot red and he had hives all over his body. Worse, he couldn’t even stop coughing to explain what was wrong with him.

“Renjun,” Donghyuck calls out, but Renjun is already nodding at him. They both reach out to support the boy, with Renjun holding him on one side and Donghyuck holding him on the other. The soldiers immediately back away, especially when the boy coughs and blood splatters from his mouth.

Immediately, Donghyuck and Renjun rush to get the patient to their intensive care unit, helping the boy sit on the bed.

“Donghyuck, call the others,” Renjun orders, as he performs an initial evaluation on the patient. He hooks him up, so that they can monitor his heartbeat, and tears his shirt, so that they can inspect the rest of his body. His arms had hives, but how far did this affliction go? Pretty far, Renjun thinks as he sees impressions on the boy’s skin, blotchy and raging red.

Donghyuck comes back from paging Kun, “They’re rushing over here now. How’s he looking?”

Renjun shakes his head, “Evident signs of malnutrition aside, I can’t tell what this is. He’s too young to be coughing up blood this bad, I’m worried he’ll die from choking on it if we leave him alone.”

Donghyuck feels anxious, “This combination is unlike anything I’ve seen before. His skin is feverish and the hives make it seem like he’s having an allergic reaction, but for it to go so far that his body is coughing up blood?”

The boy moans in pain and, seemingly triggered by their words, coughs so hard his body almost doubles over in bed. “I’m going to die,” the boy slurs, barely able to keep his eyes open. But he begs and begs, “save me, please. Save me.”

Renjun and Donghyuck grab his hands, in an effort to soothe him. The sliding doors open revealing Kun and Chenle, dressed in their gowns with masks covering their faces. Donghyuck sags in relief, “Kun-hyung, thank goodness. The patient is extremely distressed and we need your input for the diagnosis.”

But Kun immediately stops, grabbing Chenle’s arm to prevent him from coming near.

Donghyuck frowns, “What’s wrong?”

Chenle’s eyes widen. And later, Donghyuck will give him credit for not letting panic show on his usually expressive face. “I know what that is,” He says, pushing Kun out of the room, backing away too.

Renjun exhales, letting go of the patient’s hand, and looks over at Donghyuck. Donghyuck is a doctor, yes, but he’s also a soldier. He can tell when a bomb is about to be dropped.

“What is it?” Renjun asks.

“That’s the Marburg virus,” Chenle explains, eyes settling on the patient, “I’m not one hundred percent sure, but it’s highly likely that’s what he has. The three of you need to be quarantined and tested. Who else was in contact with this boy?”

“Some of the soldiers…” Donghyuck trails off, his mind running at a hundred miles. He feels petrified and can’t will his body to move.

Chenle continues, “We need to quarantine everyone who’s been in contact with the boy. If he came from the village, then the virus has surely spread. We have to take immediate measures now to prevent the number of casualties.”

Kun nods from beside him, “I’ll rally the soldiers and have the others set up. I will take the necessary precautions.” 

\--

It’s Mark who finds out first. Kun comes running to the mess hall where soldiers who are not on duty gather. The door slams open and Mark immediately startles and reaches for his gun. He relaxes when he sees that it’s just Kun.

“What’s wrong?” Mark asks, seeing the distressed look on the doctor’s face.

“A patient had come in to the clinic with a deadly virus, and several people had come into contact with them. Gather all your men at the front of the clinic now. But before that, ask your men who had come into contact with the patient and immediately direct them to the quarantine area. Everyone, regardless of whether they have come into contact with the patient or not, will need to be tested for the virus.”

Mark nods, “I will handle it.”

From there, everything is chaos. That’s why there are leaders who give orders. Orders make way for order. It lets soldiers act first and think later.

\--

Jaemin acts first and thinks later. As a soldier, you are taught to obey your superior’s orders, to trust that they know better and to guide you to do your job the best you can. There’s no one else he trusts better with that than Mark Lee.

Everyone has gathered by the front of the medical bay. The sun had barely set, and dusk had colored the sky. Mark stands at the front, and curiously, Kun stands next to him. He had a kind face, and he had always seemed warm in the moments that Jaemin had seen him treating patients. He didn’t look warm now, his eyes looked troubled, and his back was straight like a rod, tense.

Mark speaks first, “This afternoon, a severely contagious patient had come to the clinic, coming into contact with some of the doctors as well as a couple of you. Do not panic as those who may have come into contact with the disease has already been quarantined. However, as an additional precaution, we will need to test each of you through a blood test to ensure that nobody else had been affected by the virus.”

Beside him, Jeno stiffens at the news and Jaemin can feel him looking around the group that had gathered. Jaemin whispers, without turning away from the front, “What’s wrong?”

But before Jeno could answer, Mark continues, “I need all of you to remain calm. Is that clear? Dr. Qian Kun will now explain what the virus is and what preventive measures we all need to take.”

Kun clears his throat and nods at Mark in silent thanks. “The patient that had come in today had contracted the Marburg virus.” He pauses, then continues delicately, “It’s contagious through close physical contact and is typically severe and in most cases fatal. On average, the mortality rate is 50%. There’s currently no specific cure, but Dr. Zhong is working hard with leading researchers on the matter to develop the best course of action. I’ll spare you all the details. The most important thing is to get you all tested, maintain hygiene, and to immediately report to us if you are coming down with a fever. That is the first symptom.”

His explanation doesn’t provide any comfort, but it does give a sense of direction. Mark adds on, “Please follow Dr. Qian inside in an orderly fashion to get tested. You are all dismissed.”

Jeno rushes to Dr. Qian’s side before he could walk back inside the clinic, and Jaemin anxiously follows him. Mark grabs a hold of Jeno’s arm before he can stop Dr. Qian, and Jeno nearly throws his arm off, “Jeno, please calm down.”

“You said that the patient came into close contact with some doctors and soldiers,” Jeno’s glare is icy, in a way it’s never been. “Who’s got the virus?”

“What are you going to do, Jeno?” Mark stares him down, “Don’t make a scene.”

“That mortality rate is awfully high, Mark. I’m not fucking dumb, I can clearly see who’s not here right now. Given who it is, I think I deserve the right to know.”

Jaemin watches the interaction with growing dread, _Who’s not here?_ Mark sighs aggressively, pinching his neck, “They’re still being tested, and the results haven’t even come back yet, according to Kun. Let’s not make assumptions--”

“Mark.” Jeno demands.

“Fine, but you’re not allowed to see them. Of the doctors, it’s Huang Renjun and Lee Donghyuck.”

Jaemin’s blood runs cold.

Mark is explaining to an anxious, angry Jeno that nothing was conclusive yet, that Donghyuck might not even test positive for it. That even if he did, the mortality rate was lower for people who are healthy and young. But Jaemin doesn’t hear any of it.

He bolts.

\--

_Training is tough, his body aches, his arms ache, and with a terrible feeling his heart aches. Usually, Jaemin loves training. Sure, his body hurts, but it’s nice because his whole being can concentrate on the way his body moves. He likes the way his body can get used to the march, to simply follow what someone tells him to do. He likes the way his body refuses to conform to the tiredness and to the voice that tells him to give up. Even better, he likes the camaraderie._

_Even when it’s tough, he can look to his side and know Mark is there suffering beside him. When they’re doing their daily run, he knows Jeno is right beside him, keeping pace. When he’s hungry and the only food available is the bland cafeteria food they serve at camp, he knows Jisung will be there to bug him later about treating him to eat something good. At the end of a bad week, there will be drinks to keep Jaemin company, but he’s not alone with it anymore._

_When Jaemin is hurt, accidentally scraping his elbow during one of the military exercises, there is someone unexpectedly at his side too._

_Jaemin is used to shrugging off scrapes like this. He’d fought enough punks growing up that he knows the standard routine in cleaning up a scrape. He’ll clean it up himself and bandage it and soon it will scab and fade away. It’s not a big deal at all, so he had thought to get lunch with his team mates first before dealing with it._

_Yet, when he walks to his table to join his friends for lunch, he doesn’t understand why Donghyuck scolds him. Jaemin had barely set his tray down on their table, before Donghyuck had stood up and pulled on his arm to inspect the scrape._

_“Jaemin, what the fuck?”_

_Jaemin doesn’t understand what the fuss is all about. “It’s nothing to get so concerned about,” he says, pulling his arm away from Donghyuck’s grasp. But for all the teasing they do on Donghyuck’s wimpy arms, his grip is strong._

_“This is going to get infected,” Donghyuck said, so matter-of-fact, “Trust me, I literally went to med school.”_

_And then he dragged Jaemin away, he was so confused, looking back and forth between the grip Donghyuck has on his arm and his friends at the table, who were all snickering. This is so embarrassing, Jaemin thinks._

_The place Donghyuck brings him to is the infirmary. He pushes Jaemin to a chair against the wall, and then turns around to dig around the place. Jaemin is bewildered._

_“What are you looking for?” Jaemin asks._

_“Something to clean that wound you have,” Donghyuck mutters, but he seems to have found what he was looking for because he walks back to where Jaemin is with alcohol and gauze._

_Jaemin scoffs, “Wound, it’s barely a scratch, Hyuck.”_

_In retaliation, Donghyuck soaks a pad of cotton with alcohol and presses it to Jaemin’s elbow and Jaemin yells. “Barely a scratch, my ass.”_

_Jaemin bites back a couple curse words and watches Donghyuck clean his wound. He does it neatly, with experience and practice. The last time he’s seen Donghyuck this concentrated was when they were at an arcade and he was trying to win against Jisung at a shooting game. He’d never thought he’d see it up close._

_Carefully, Donghyuck applies an antibacterial ointment and then takes a bandage to cover the wound from getting infected._

_“Are you going to kiss it better too?” Jaemin jokes but is amazed to see the shock course its way through Donghyuck who immediately pulls away. His ears are red._

_“I-I will not kiss it better, oh my god, what are you saying,” Donghyuck stutters out, eyes looking anywhere but Jaemin’s. Unfortunately for him, Jaemin has always been too curious for his own good._

_“Why are you so embarrassed, it’s just a joke?” Jaemin asks, standing up from the chair and moving closer to catch his eyes._

_And then like an animal, Donghyuck goes feral, he shakes his head and meets Jaemin’s stare head on, “Do you think my feelings are a joke?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“I have been so terribly obvious, and yeah, it’s embarrassing, but I can’t help that I have feelings for you and your stupid face!” Jaemin has never seen Donghyuck this angry. His face is red and there are tears gathering at the corner of his eye. And then Donghyuck’s words hit him like a train._

_“You have feelings for me?” Jaemin says, slow on the uptake._

_Donghyuck deflates like a sad balloon, “Surely, you must know. Our friends make it so obvious each time I beg you to walk me home.”_

_“I thought that was you being annoying and giving me a hard time,” Jaemin says, but he regrets saying it for all it does is make the frown on Donghyuck’s face deeper._

_“Well, it’s too late to take it back, I guess.” Donghyuck says, with finality, “you obviously don’t like me back and I never expected you to anyway.”_

_Jaemin doesn’t know what to say. Donghyuck does, though, “Don’t forget to change your bandage.”_

_And then exits the room, leaving Jaemin alone with what feels like the aftermath of a bomb._

_\--_

_Donghyuck is avoiding him. This much Jaemin knows to be true._

_It’s not the first time Jaemin has dealt with being ignored or avoided, but it pricks at his consciousness to know that Donghyuck is avoiding him. The first hint he gets is when Donghyuck sits beside Jeno at lunch, and in front of him, sits Mark. The only space left is the one next to Jisung, far from Donghyuck’s line of sight. He doesn’t realize how weird it is until later, when he thinks of all the times Donghyuck steals the pieces of pickled radish from his tray._

_The second hint he gets is how quiet Donghyuck becomes when Jaemin enters the room or joins their group. Donghyuck isn’t always loud, but it’s like he’s toned down. Not shy, but meek. It surprises Jaemin how he doesn’t like it. At their weekly dinner, it’s the most obvious. Donghyuck quietly sips his drink and it makes the mood a bit somber. Mark, Jeno and Jisung aim to lift the mood, but all it does is draw a small smile from Donghyuck and it’s not enough._

_The third hint that solidifies the thought in Jaemin’s mind is when Donghyuck refuses to be walked home. He stumbles a little bit, they all do, on their way out, but Donghyuck simply downs a glass of water and waves their concern. “I barely drank anything,” he snorts._

_“Donghyuck,” Jeno says, eyeing him with worry, “text me when you get home.”_

_“You text me when you get home, son,” Donghyuck says with feeling, then he raises his hand in goodbye and walks home._

_Jeno sighs before turning to the rest of them, “when he’s sad, it’s like the whole world is sad with him.”_

_Jisung frowns, “It’s weird for him to be sad, he didn’t even tease me today. I can’t believe I kind of miss it.”_

_“Do you know why he’s sad?” Mark asks, “Is there a specific reason?”_

_Jeno looks at Jaemin, and Jaemin sighs, “There is, but I don’t think it would be fair to Donghyuck if I shared it with you all.”_

_Jisung nods, and so does Mark. “Well, we will leave it up to you guys, then.”_

_And then there were two._

_“Should we take a walk?” Jeno says, his hands in his pockets. It feels like an olive branch. Jaemin doesn’t know why it feels that way, when he’s done nothing wrong._

_Jaemin nods and follows him. They walk through the streets, passing drunk students, couples holding hands, street vendors on their way home. Jaemin glances at Jeno, who simply keeps walking until they stop at the entrance of a park._

_“There’s a cat here that loves me,” Jeno says, and Jaemin looks at him curiously._

_“We’re here for a cat?”_

_“No,” Jeno says, “But I didn’t know how to segue way into this uncomfortable situation we’ve found ourselves in and I figured I’d start with my cat.”_

_“Jeno,” Jaemin says, exasperated, “Let’s just get straight to the point.”_

_Jeno frowns at him and crosses his arms in front of his chest, “Well, how do you feel about my best friend?”_

_“I,” Jaemin begins to say, then pauses. If he digs deep enough, he doesn’t have an answer. “Truthfully, I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. It’s not like I came and went into the military to find love, you know?”_

_Jeno nods, “That’s understandable.”_

_“He’s cute,” Jaemin offers, and then cringes when Jeno scoffs._

_“I think everyone finds him cute,” Jeno says, “His father’s a high-ranking general who inspires fear among men, but he comes home and coos over Donghyuck.”_

_“His father is in the military too?” Jaemin asks. No wonder why Donghyuck acts so brave in front of their superiors._

_“Don’t worry, Donghyuck won’t say anything to him.” Jeno says, waving his hand away, as if to erase any worry Jaemin might have had about getting kicked out._

_Jaemin takes offense to that, “It never even crossed my mind. Donghyuck teases and makes fun of all of us, but he’s kind.”_

_Jeno smiles bright at that, “Oh? I’m glad you noticed.”_

_“We wouldn’t be friends if he was bad at heart.” Jaemin argues and then sighs when he notices Jeno is still smiling, “What?”_

_Jeno shrugs, “Well, some people don’t really see past the fact that he’s rich and coddled at birth. Some people think he’s too arrogant or he’s too full of himself. I blame him too, because he likes showing off.”_

_“He is too full of himself and he shows off too much,” Jaemin says, remembering how Donghyuck had easily beaten all of them and showed how to hit a target with a gun. He could have done it with his eyes closed. “But…”_

_“He’s everything else too,” Jeno points out, and Jaemin nods at that. “Listen, let’s not go around in circles. All I ask is that you don’t play around with him. He acts unaffected sometimes, but he’s sensitive, okay? If you don’t like him, just cleanly reject him.”_

_Jaemin nods and smiles, “I’m nobody to be breaking his heart.”_

\--

Despite Mark’s reassurances that nothing was set in stone of who has the deadly virus, the first results come back. Only one of the doctors tested positive. The gods strike him, but he had never wanted to hear Huang Renjun’s name as much as he did in that split-second Mark paused.

Jeno grips Jaemin’s shoulder tight when Qian Kun tells them it’s Lee Donghyuck who tested positive. “Can we see him? What’s his current condition?”

Kun nods, gesturing for them to walk with him, “The virus is still in its early stages. He’s young, so he’s already got good odds with that. But we’re monitoring him closely, to make sure we address each symptom that appears while Dr. Zhong reaches out to leading researchers in the field for a cure.”

They walk to the farthest end of the hallway, to an area clearly marked as quarantine. It’s got glass for walls and sliding doors that will only open up for people with the right access. Outside the sliding doors are safety suits to protect the doctors going in to treat quarantined patients.

Jeno presses his face against the glass doors, knocking on it to get Donghyuck’s attention. He...he looks okay. He googled what the virus was and the results were horrifying. He doesn’t look like those pictures at all. He smiles softly when he sees Jeno, and gestures for him to use his phone so they can talk.

“Hyuuuck,” Jeno wails against the glass, putting his phone on speaker, “You are not allowed to die on me.”

Donghyuck has the nerve to laugh, “Who says I’m dying? Who’s going to take care of you when I’m gone?”

“More like who’s going to take care of our cat! What were you thinking, getting this horrible thing?”

“I’ll be okay, although I might die from boredom,” Donghyuck jokes, “Or hunger, Renjun won’t give me anything but the healthiest things to eat. I’m fading, Jeno.”

Jeno finally laughs, even as his fists are clenched at his sides, “Serves you right for worrying me. Have you talked to your father?”

Donghyuck frowns, “No. But I’m sure one of his little spies has delivered the message already.”

“You should talk to him,” Jeno insists, and then Jeno turns to Jaemin, who vehemently shakes his head. Donghyuck follows his gaze and raises a brow.

“I am not dying yet. I will not talk to him.” Donghyuck states firmly. “As for your little shadow lurking over there, I can’t believe it takes a deadly disease for him to finally want to see me.”

Jaemin gapes at him. Petty, Jaemin thinks, Donghyuck hasn’t changed. Jeno grimaces, passing his phone to Jaemin, making awkward hand movements gesturing that he was going to go, “I’m gonna leave while you both have your lover’s spat.”

This is not how Jaemin pictured their first real conversation to go. He can’t help but trace over the bags under Donghyuck’s eyes, the tight grip he has over his phone, the sharpness of his collar bones. He’s gotten thin.

“Should I hang up? Will you keep staring at me or will you finally say something for once?” Donghyuck, as always, is direct and pressing, even when Jaemin is trying to collect himself.

“You...you’re really not dying?”

Donghyuck sighs, “It depends. If I say no, are you going to back to ignoring me?”

“Donghyuck!” Jaemin is appalled. He understands that whatever happened between them hadn’t been good. Not good would be an incredible understatement, in fact. But to become this reckless all for Jaemin’s attention, “This is not something to joke about. You’re not making any sense.”

“You make it make sense, you don’t answer my calls, our friends don’t see you for months, you can barely even look me,” each accusation hits Jaemin like a bullet, but he can’t say anything because it’s true. “What did I do to you that was so heinous for you to treat me like I don’t exist?”

“It was for the best,” is all Jaemin says. It really was for the best. _It wasn’t you_ , he wanted to say, _it was all me_. It wasn’t that Jaemin had intended to ignore him, but in taking himself out of the equation, it was unavoidable. Collateral damage. Jaemin pointedly ignores the shaky breath that the phone speaker captures from Donghyuck, pretends he doesn’t hear it.

Donghyuck turns away from him, tilting his face to the ceiling, his free hand clutching at his chest, “I think you should go. I’ll be alright.”

Jaemin watches as he settles into his bed, expression pained. He’s glad for this glass wall that divides them. It’s easier this way. Less painful.

He hands Jeno his phone back on his way out, fully ignoring his questioning gaze.

\--

But Donghyuck doesn’t get better. Their team takes turns visiting him, he’s still joking and laughing, they say. Mark says, he still makes fun of his squiggly eyebrows. Jisung says, he still gets mad when he doesn’t call him Hyung. Yukhei says, his smile is still as warm. But Jeno, who spends his free time talking to Renjun and Chenle when he’s not visiting Donghyuck, can see through it. He talks to Jaemin, who hasn’t visited since the first time, that he can’t bear to watch Donghyuck slowly die like this. That Chenle is struggling to find a cure. That Renjun had to put him in an ice bath last night because his fever was so high he was terrified it would never go down.

It’s terrifying. Like a horror movie in slow motion, Jaemin can only watch. As a soldier, there’s nothing he can do. It’s a fifty percent mortality rate, Dr. Qian Kun had said in the beginning. That’s a flip of a coin, Jaemin thinks, but as he sees Jeno’s growingly anxious expression, it’s becoming less and less of a possibility and more of a certainty.

It’s Renjun who snaps first. One morning, he just marches over to the table where Jaemin sits, slamming his tray down on the table, startling Jaemin out of his thoughts.

“Hello?” Jaemin can’t help the hostility, “Can I help you?”

“Why don’t you visit him?” Renjun questions him, glaring at him. For someone so small, Jaemin feels the intimidation rolling off him in waves. “He won’t say it, but he wants to see you. You know how he is about his pride.”

Oh, how Jaemin knows about his pride. He remembers the days where his own stubbornness had met its match with Donghyuck’s pride. An unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. “He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Renjun laughs, but it’s mean, unbelieving, “That’s not what it looks like. I refuse to believe that Donghyuck had done something so bad for you to not even care when he’s dying. All you do is look. All you do is reject him. I’m his ex-boyfriend too, you know?”

Jaemin grips his chopsticks tighter, gritting his teeth at the knowledge, “How dare you say that to me? You don’t know me. You don’t know my side of the story--”

“No, I suppose you’re right,” Renjun agrees, softly, picking at his rice, “I’m of course on Donghyuck’s side. He’s my friend. I don’t quite understand what he sees in you, this hold you’ve got on him.”

“I don’t have a hold on him,” Jaemin spits, his mind caught up on the word ex-boyfriend, “Clearly, he’s moved on--”

“What? Jealous?” Renjun smirks, giving Jaemin a once over. Jaemin feels extremely judged. “You don’t have the right.”

Jaemin stops himself from throwing his chopsticks at Renjun, every instinct of his telling him to beat this guy up. Wipe the smugness off his face. But he’s right, and Jaemin knows his place now, “That’s true. I don’t have the right. Why do you think I haven’t visited him since?”

Renjun is taken aback at his response, clearly not expecting Jaemin to just agree with him. It’s funny, Donghyuck had worn the same expression once when Jaemin had refused to engage in a fight with him. It had felt so good to shut him up. He doesn’t find the same satisfaction with Renjun. Renjun switches tactics, “I won’t ask what happened, because Donghyuck won’t tell me either. But think about it, he wants to see you. If he dies, god forbid, wouldn’t you regret leaving things as it is?”

Jaemin stays quiet.

“You look like a man filled with regrets. You only look, even though you ache to touch.” Renjun says. “As a doctor, I know exactly how short life is. There’s no time for rights, for assumptions. If you still want him, even if you cannot give him what he wants, shouldn’t you at least stay by his side?”

\--

_Jaemin’s mother had once said, Jaemin-ah, I think you were born with a rebellious heart. She said this when he came home once to a cut on his face and purpling bruises on his arms. When she had furiously asked who did this to him, he fought tears as he explained how a boy his age was stealing money from a smaller boy._

_When he’d asked them to give the money back to the little boy, the boy punched him, but Jaemin had kicked the kid back in the balls and then grabbed the money and the other boy by the hand to run away._

_After explaining this, his mother had looked at him worriedly, before sighing. “I’m glad you’re standing up for people who are being wronged, but I don’t like seeing you get hurt.”_

_Jaemin had only pouted and looked away, saying, “Well, it’s not right to not help.”_

_Jaemin isn’t getting into any fights now and the military is no place for rebellion, but Jaemin thinks his mother is right. When Jeno had mentioned to cleanly reject Donghyuck’s confession, Jaemin had suddenly found the urge to do anything but._

_It’s as if Donghyuck is suddenly everywhere and Jaemin can’t help but look at him. It’s not Jaemin’s first time to receive a confession, but it’s the first time he’s ever wondered: what do you see in me?_

_Donghyuck stops acting like Jaemin is invisible, at the same moment Jaemin’s world terraforms itself around the idea that Donghyuck likes him._

_He walks swiftly to lunch for once and smiles to himself when he sees Donghyuck there first. The wide-eyed look on Donghyuck’s face when Jaemin sets his tray in front of him and takes a seat is worth it._

_“Um,” Donghyuck starts, mouth opening and then closing._

_Jaemin raises a brow at him, “Yes?”_

_Donghyuck frowns at him and is like, “Why are you here so early? And why are you sitting here with me?”_

_Jaemin puffs, “I’m hungry for lunch. And I always sit here.”_

_“God,” Donghyuck mutters under his breath when he realizes Jaemin is not going anywhere. Jaemin fights back the grin that’s threatening to show on his face, focusing on his tray of food instead._

_Donghyuck sighs so aggressively that Jaemin can’t help but snort. “Are you going to be like this? You know when you reject people, you should generally give them space to get over you.”_

_Jaemin nods, “I understand that, but I didn’t reject you.”_

_“But you don’t like me?” Donghyuck states._

_“You…” Jaemin trails off, unsure of how to respond. To say the least, Donghyuck’s confession blindsided him. It came completely out of nowhere in his opinion. He hasn’t even begun to reevaluate Donghyuck from the category he had put him in his head. They were just beginning to develop a rapport. So, he gives Donghyuck the same answer he gave Jeno the other night, “I don’t know how I feel yet.”_

_Donghyuck, who must feel everything in absolutes and certainties, glares at Jaemin, “How can you not know?”_

_“I just don’t know!” Jaemin huffs. He understands where Donghyuck is coming from, but he feels indignation rise through his lungs and out of him, “What do you even like about me? I feel like we don’t even know each other that well.”_

_“Are you telling me my feelings are baseless? Na Jaemin, I can’t fucking believe--” Donghyuck spits, his nostrils flaring out. Jaemin slaps a hand against his mouth, glancing around, while Donghyuck clamps a hand on Jaemin’s wrist, struggling to push his hand away._

_Jaemin looks at him, imploringly, “I’m not saying anything. Except, give me some time to give you an answer.”_

_Slowly, he pulls his away. Donghyuck looks at him, carefully, eyes so different and serious. Jaemin feels his heart pound against his chest._

_“Okay,” Donghyuck says, looking away and goes back to eating._

_Jaemin doesn’t realize he’s smiling until Jisung knocks his shoulders against his and comments, “Hyung, what are you smiling about?”_

_He completely misses the way Donghyuck’s ears flush red._

\--

When Jaemin finally visits Donghyuck again, he wonders how his friends could even say he looks the same. This Donghyuck is lackluster, with his tired eyes, pallid skin, and lethargic movements. He’s got an IV hooked up to his arm, and his heartbeat is tracked on the machine. Beep, beep, beep, it steadily echoes.

When Jaemin knocks on the glass wall, Donghyuck looks at him like he’s a ghost. This time, it’s Jaemin who makes the first move, calling Donghyuck’s phone. He moves slowly, and when he answers the phone, his voice is so soft, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jaemin says back, waving when he sees Donghyuck look at him and his answering snort through the phone.

“So kind of you to visit me when I look this awful,” Donghyuck jokes, but there’s no humor in it anymore. He looks so tired, like he could fall asleep at any moment.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin says, because there’s nothing else to say.

Donghyuck gives him a smile, “For what? You didn’t do this to me. I didn’t want to hear it from Jun and I don’t want to hear it from you.”

This is new between them. Post-everything, Donghyuck had been angry, he’d been begging, he had been every emotion in the book, except this. Gone is the fight in him. “Hyuck…”

Donghyuck hums, “I like it when you call me that.”

“Aren’t you afraid?” Jaemin asks, because he would be in his position. Hell, he’s afraid for him.

He takes a shaky breath and nods, “I’m so scared. Renjun tells me they’re actually close to getting the cure. There’s an African team who had been testing it on patients when they had their outbreak a couple months ago. The problem is getting it here.”

Mark hadn’t said anything about that. Jeno hadn’t either. “Can’t your father pull strings for once?”

Donghyuck smiles at that too, “I was so scared, I finally called him last night. But he had said that there wasn’t anything he could do.”

“Where is it?” Jaemin finds himself asking, mind already made up to ask Mark about it. “What’s the hold up?”

“The cure is rather expensive,” Donghyuck explains, “You know the trade relations in the area, the corruption. The thriving black market I’m sure has its eyes set on it.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“There’s something weird going on here, Jaem. I can feel it. The Marburg virus can spread organically through bats, but there are no caves here. The last outbreak was in Russia, and the only other one was in Uganda. Upon checking the village, it was only that boy who had the virus.”

Jaemin hadn’t known any of this. He hadn’t been included in these discussions. And at the confused, blank look at his face, Donghyuck had let out a small scoff, “You didn’t know? You used to be the star student of our grade. You’ve changed since the last time I saw you. I could barely recognize you.”

Jaemin bristles at that, “I was never the star student. That was you. That was Mark. Key recruits, the higher ups would call you.”

Donghyuck barely reacts, used to the same exchange between them, “Still, it’s unlike you to be so passive. You shouldn’t have left if you were going to become like this—”

“Shut up—” Jaemin breaks out, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Donghyuck smiles so sweetly, so kindly, but his words are poison, “I’m dying and you still don’t want to talk about it?”

This is the worst part of Donghyuck, Jaemin thinks, how cruel of him to use his own condition to get Jaemin to do his bidding. _I don’t want to_ , Jaemin wants to yell. What’s the use of talking, when it won’t bring everything back to the way it used to?

“You’re not going to die,” Jaemin says, with conviction, and because he has to. “Our team is capable enough to get the cure wherever it is. A literal Nobel prize winner is leading your recovery. You’ve always been a stubborn brat, so don’t stop now.”

—

The door to Mark’s office slams open and Mark immediately startles out of his chair. In comes Jaemin, striding with fury, and Mark orders him to halt, “What the fuck is going on, Sergeant Na?”

Jaemin grabs the papers on Mark’s desk and throws it against his face and fights the urge to kick him. The commotion draws people from the mess hall outside Mark’s office, namely Yangyang and Jeno. Jaemin had made to grab a few more papers throw at Mark, but Yangyang restrains him by the arms, keeping him from doing any more damage.

Jeno just stood there, bewildered, “Jaemin, Mark, what’s going on?”

“That’s what I fucking want to know too, Jeno,” Jaemin laughed, while trying to struggle out of Yangyang’s hold. “I was speaking to Donghyuck—”

“Oh, what a lovely surprise,” Mark comments pleasantly, like Jaemin wasn’t about to tear his head off.

“Why haven’t I been parts of the discussion regarding the vaccine? Why the fuck was I not informed of the context regarding the suspicious surfacing of this disease?”

Mark and Jeno exchanged a brief look, and it takes all of Jaemin not to punch them both on the face. Mark sighs, rolling his shoulders, “Because your history with Donghyuck is a liability. I can’t quite account for how you’re going to react when you couldn’t even stand being in the same room as him these past few months.”

Jaemin scoffs, “That’s a big load of bullshit and you know it. I’m competent enough to set aside emotions and history. And fuck you! If anything, my history with Donghyuck is an asset—”

“Jaemin, calm down, jesus—” Jeno pleads.

“Your behavior right now is telling of how much you cannot be involved in this currently. If it’s any consolation, Jeno only knows the details. He’s sitting out on this mission too.” Mark explains. “If you want more details, fine. Yukhei and Yangyang can brief you. I have enough on my plate.” He starts picking up the files Jaemin had thrown at him and they take that as a dismissal.

Jaemin gets dragged out of Mark’s office, and once his door closes, Yangyang lets him go. “Don’t be too hard on him. He’s getting all the heat from the higher ups because we’re calling this isolated incident a potential biohazard attack.”

Jaemin nods numbly, the fight leaving his body, and Jeno wraps an arm around him, “It’s true. I know you’re upset at being deemed incompetent and because of the Donghyuck comment, but trust him, okay? They know better than we do. And all we can really do is wait and hope for the best. For his recovery.”

—

Jaemin waits. He waits, and he waits, and he waits. He’s not an impatient man, but god, does he feel time drag further and further. He feels like his bones are about to jump out of his skin. Jaemin can wait, but he worries that the fear has already settled in his bones and the helplessness has already turned the blood in his veins to ice.

Tension peaks when he hears an alarm ring through the medical ward and he sees Renjun bolt through the doors inside. There’s only one reason for him to move like that. Jeno is on the same page as him, as they both follow Renjun inside the medical ward.

He’s just finished suiting up and he’s scanning his badge. Pass the glass sliding doors, Kun and Chenle are both wearing their protective suits, as they carry Donghyuck over to a tub filled with ice. The alarm blares loud and from inside the room, Donghyuck’s heartbeat is beating too fast per the monitor.

Jeno heaves next to him, while Jaemin is paralyzed with fear. Jeno holds his hand, tight, tight enough to hurt. “He can’t die,” Jeno whispers, “he cannot die. Come on, Donghyuck.”

Jaemin shuts his eyes and begs to the Universe, _let him live. I beg you, I’ll do anything. I’ll stop avoiding him, I promise. I’ll try to make it right. Let him live._

And then just like fate, like magic, Donghyuck’s heartbeat begins to go back down. Jeno will say it’s Donghyuck’s strong fighting spirit. Chenle will say it’s the ice bath lowering his body’s temperature, and as a causal effect, lowering his heartbeat to a more normal level.

But Jaemin remembers his promise.

—

Yukhei, Jisung, Mark, and Yangyang come back the next day from a classified mission sweaty and dirty but with big, triumphant smiles. Yukhei carries over a heavy black case, and when he sets it down in medical award, Chenle opens it to reveal that it was filled with vials of the vaccine and a prototype cure. Chenle nods at Kun, rolling his sleeves up, “We’ve got our work cut out for us, huh?”

—

The moment the medical team has administered the vaccine to everyone and has deemed Donghyuck to be non-contagious. Jaemin takes the first opportunity to visit him. He’s still resting in bed, but instead of looking at him through the glass doors, access has been finally cleared for everyone else.

Donghyuck is surprised to say the least. Might be because he’s still recovering or the closeness to death had shook him, but he’s got no mean words for Jaemin today. Only surprise. It’s rare to catch him speechless.

Jaemin plays coy, “Heard you’re finally recovering.”

“Yes…” Donghyuck says, hesitantly. He eyes Jaemin with suspicion, and Jaemin thinks that’s fair. “What are you doing here? It’s unlike you.”

“I’m merely congratulating a colleague on a meaningful recovery,” Jaemin states, face blank, and Donghyuck’s face falls. A tiny, tiny, tiny part of Jaemin feels guilty at that, enough to add, “I’m kidding. You know I still care about you, right?”

Donghyuck shows surprise at that statement and Jaemin swallows the hurt, just as Donghyuck tries to tamp down the hope that rises in him. Donghyuck looks away, like a feral cat who’s been burned too many times, and says, “It sure doesn’t feel that way.”

“I think we should be friends again,” Jaemin offers, and it makes Donghyuck perplexed, as he mouths the word, _friends?_ several times. “For the benefit of the team, and for our own sakes.”

Donghyuck bites his lip, “Just friends?”

Jaemin knows what Donghyuck wants to ask, but he can’t give him hope for something he can’t deliver. Friendship is compromise. Friendship will be good for the both of them. “We were friends once.”

Donghyuck smiles, brittle, and slumps against his pillow. “Yeah, what good friends we were. You won’t budge on this, will you?”

“We can be simply coworker—”

“Enough, we can be friends if that’s what you want,” Donghyuck sighs, closing his eyes. “Now, let me rest.”

“Okay, buddy,” Jaemin says, too jolly for the resigned air, and raises a hand in the air, which proved to be quite awkward as Donghyuck’s eyes were already closed. He drops it slowly back down and nods to himself, leaving the room.

\--

_Jaemin isn’t drunk. His mind isn’t heady on anything but the thrill of catching Donghyuck’s ears turn red. Ever since the truth came out about Donghyuck’s feelings for him, Jaemin can’t help but see it in every interaction they have. It’s mean, he supposes, but he can’t help but lean closer and catch Donghyuck’s eyes when they’re talking, just to hear him stutter through his words and look away._

_Donghyuck catches on quickly, even if he’s yelling at Jaemin for playing with his heart through flushed cheeks. “You’re a menace, Na Jaemin.”_

_The Donghyuck that’s normally suave, quick-witted, cheeky and slick is gone, and replaced by this stuttering fool, who can’t make eye contact for more than 5 seconds._

_Back when Jaemin was a child, there was a park near his house. And when he was bored and lonely, he’d walk around the park and lie on the ground and pick the tufts of grass on the ground. There’s a plant that grew in droves, and when Jaemin touched it for the first time, it curled upon itself in shyness. The curiosity, the interest that curled in Jaemin’s heart and hands, that made him go back and back again to touch the plants and watch it curl into itself. It’s that same feeling wrapping around him that has him flirting with Donghyuck._

_He can feel Jeno’s disapproving gaze, but he never confronts Jaemin about it. He can see the disapproval land on Donghyuck too, but Donghyuck just gives Jeno a look and says nothing else. It only makes Jaemin feel more and more bold, and it gets worse when Donghyuck lets him. And much much worse, when Donghyuck reciprocates._

_Jaemin blames it on Jisung. Jisung who had been sick of Jaemin’s and Donghyuck’s teasing had suggested that instead of him suffering from their sickening displays of affection, they should just focus on each other. Donghyuck, drunk enough on the soju-beer concoction he likes to mix and Jisung’s rejection, swings an arm around Jaemin’s shoulder and scolds Jisung, “Acting like you don’t like it when all Hyung does is love you. Kids are so ungrateful these days.”_

_But all Jisung does is smile big and sends a thumbs up to Jaemin in thanks. Donghyuck is a volatile drunk, when he’s actually drunk and not just pretending to be, Jaemin realizes. So Jaemin plays along, wrapping an arm around Donghyuck’s waist and turning to him, “There, there, Jisung will come around and realize what he did wrong.”_

_Donghyuck pouts, and Jaemin can’t help but stare at the fullness of his bottom lip. Donghyuck must have caught his stare, because when Jaemin looks up at him, Donghyuck leans even closer and whispers, “Do you think Jisung’s right? Should we focus on each other instead?”_

_But before Jaemin could reply or do something worse, Mark groans at his side of the table, “Guys, can you not flirt when I’m trying to eat?”_

_Donghyuck backs away and hollers, “Oh shut up, I don’t say anything when you’re fake laughing at all of Yukhei’s jokes, just because you think he’s hot.”_

_“He is funny!” Mark defends himself, “it’s not my fault you think your sense of humor is so twisted.”_

_Donghyuck guffaws, slapping Jeno’s shoulder while he’s at it. “Mark Lee, I didn’t know you had it in you to be so mean. I like it.”_

_Mark grumbles, chewing on his rice, “You age me.”_

_“Ah, hyung don’t be upset,” Jeno pats his head, and Jaemin laughs because it’s so similar to how he had patted the park cat’s head that one time. “Hyuckie doesn’t mean it.”_

_Jisung tilts his head to the side, smirking, “He isn’t wrong though, Jaemin-hyung and Donghyuck-hyung--”_

_Donghyuck immediately shoves a wrap in Jisung’s mouth and then carries on, “Anyway, I won’t take offense, I know Mark-hyung loves me a lot.” Beside him, Jisung struggles to chew through the wrap his hyung shoved in his mouth. Jaemin hands him water without any words. Whatever he was about to say, Donghyuck was not having any of it._

_Jaemin tries not to think too much of it. Whatever was going on between them was not anyone’s business but theirs anyway. Even if Jaemin himself can’t tell you exactly what’s going on._

_Later that night, it’s Jaemin who quietly stays behind as Donghyuck tries to get his bearings together. Everybody else was too tired to think too hard about why Jaemin doesn’t need to be convinced anymore to walk Donghyuck home. Or they can clearly see why and they choose to look away._

_Donghyuck stretches and finally stands up, and Jaemin moves to follow him, but he’s stopped by Donghyuck’s stare. “Na Jaemin, why are you still here?”_

_It’s a terribly good question. For all the past times, he had whined and whined about Donghyuck being a pain in the ass, here he was willingly staying behind. But if he was being honest, all the times before, he’d never been forced to stay. He could have always left Donghyuck behind. He knows the answer to Donghyuck’s question, “because I want to be here.”_

_Donghyuck blinks once, twice, as if trying to process that answer, before covering his face and turning away, “God, you’re bad. You’re such a bad man.”_

_“What? Why am I bad?” But Donghyuck doesn’t answer, instead he starts walking down the road and Jaemin has to walk fast to follow him. “Hyuck?”_

_Jaemin pulls the hand that’s covering Donghyuck’s face away and bites his lip at seeing the flushed color of his cheeks. Donghyuck curls into himself in embarrassment, “Do you really not know what you do to me?”_

_He does and he likes it. Does not even feel sorry for the way he affects Donghyuck. It must show on his face, because Donghyuck makes an affronted noise and shoves him, walking away from him fast._

_Jaemin rushes to follow him again and Donghyuck spins around and Jaemin barely stops himself to prevent him from crashing into Donghyuck. “I get that I act like a fool all the time. That I make jokes about everything and I never take anything seriously. But I really like you, and every time you flirt back, I get my hopes up that maybe someday you’ll like me back too. But if you’re doing it just because it’s fun and amusing, don’t.”_

_Donghyuck raises his hand to hit Jaemin on his shoulder, but Jaemin stop his hand mid-swing, and pulls him so that he’s flushed to his body._

_“Donghyuck,” Jaemin exhales, holding Donghyuck by the waist, “I wouldn’t joke about that. While it’s true that it’s fun and I find your reactions absolutely cute, like the way you turn red when all I’ve done is look at you, I wouldn’t play around if I wasn’t interested.”  
  
They’re in the middle of the road, and people are starting to stare. _

_“Can we do this elsewhere?” Jaemin asks, “We can go to my apartment, if you want to talk and come up for coffee.”_

_Donghyuck shakes his head, “My heart wouldn’t be able to take it.”_

_Jaemin racks his brain for where to go and an idea comes to mind. He takes Donghyuck’s hand and pulls him towards the other direction._

_“Jaemin, where are we going?” Donghyuck asks, as he tries to pull his hand away from Jaemin’s grip._

_“There’s a park somewhere around here. With that cat that Jeno likes.”_

_“How do you know about that?”_

_“That’s where Jeno gave me the shovel talk, telling me to cleanly reject you if I didn’t have any feelings for you.”_

_Donghyuck quirks a brow at that._

_“I clearly didn’t do that.” Jaemin laughs, embarrassed, finally releasing Donghyuck’s hand. He scratches his head, “I’ve never really liked anybody or dated anyone, so I don’t really know what to do.”_

_Donghyuck crosses his arms, “You’ve never dated? But you’re you…”_

_Jaemin is flattered at what Donghyuck is implying._

_“I’ve never really been interested. Even if there were people who had come up to ask me, I’ve always just brushed it off or just rejected them. But you…” Jaemin trails off, thinking about all the times his brain spiraled off onto a Donghyuck-related tangent, “I cannot stop thinking about you. You’re too many things at once, and I can’t figure you out. You’re driving me crazy. And I think you’re super cute. Um.”_

_Donghyuck tries to process all of that, “Okay, so you think you like me?”_

_Jaemin nods, “I think we should date. Get to know each other more.”_

_Donghyuck looks like he cannot believe it, “This feels like a fever dream. But I’ll say yes, just in case it’s actually not a figment of my imagination.”_

_Jaemin laughs, “You have dreams about me?”_

_Donghyuck flushes violently, looking away immediately, and oh, Jaemin needs to file that information for another day._

—

It’s a testament to Donghyuck’s realm of influence that even General Lee is relieved to see him looking well and sitting in meetings again. He takes his rightful seat on General Lee’s left, across from Mark, who typically sits on General Lee’s right.

Jeno looks very pleased, sitting next to him. Well, everyone seems pretty happy about his return, even Jaemin can admit to that. His presence alone has the group chatty, loud, and unreserved, which is the opposite of how it is typically when they’re in General Lee’s presence. But General Lee is still General Lee, so when he clears his throat and the sound is followed by Mark’s smooth call for their attention, everyone settles.

General Lee sighs, “As Captain Lee has surely briefed you before, the circumstances surrounding First Lieutenant Lee Donghyuck’s illness is highly unusual. From our discussions with Doctor Zhong and his team, the Marburg virus is typically contracted through bat-human interactions. Based off their assessment of the geographical topography of this area, it’s highly unlikely that the virus spread naturally. Per the medical team’s visit in the village to assess the spread of the virus, we also noted something highly unlikely. Nobody else has contracted it.”

He lets the details stew in the air, long enough to let the room settle to the same conclusion. “There’s something going on here, right under our noses. Please work with our intelligence unit to establish leads. Once we have more information, we can create a more targeted plan to eliminate the threat.”

To Mark, he says, “Make sure to heighten the security around the base, especially around the medical team. Work with the First Lieutenant to make sure no incidents happen with the doctors again.”

“And to the rest of you,” General Lee gestures to the rest of the room, “Please make sure that none of you encounter any more close-to-death situations. The paperwork is massive.”

Donghyuck snorts, “General, all you have to do is sign the paper. Surely, Captain Lee has adequately filled out the paperwork.”

“First Lieutenant, are you suggesting I slack off on my review?” The General questions, as he stands up and grabs his hat.

“I would never!” Donghyuck says, affronted, and he has to elbow Jeno, who’s about to burst out laughing beside him. General Lee raises a brow, before dismissing them and leaving the room. The moment he has left the room, Donghyuck literally counts 5 seconds before Jeno ends up laughing out loud.

Mark just looks like he wants to be dismissed. “Guys, would it kill you to be serious for once? Especially you, Donghyuck.”

“I’ll be serious when I’m dead, Captain,” Donghyuck waves him off, and Mark has nothing to say to that, mouth agape. Jaemin pats Mark’s back, “Just let it go, Captain. Let it go.”

Jisung solemnly adds, “He almost just died, we can learn to forgive him.”

Mark looks at Yukhei and YangYang for support in the room, but they’re too busy laughing. “He’s going to keep using his near-to-death experience to avoid getting reprimanded.”

“Only for the next ten times,” Donghyuck says sweetly, reaching for Mark’s hand. “Also, you are not my superior officer, anyway.” Mark slaps his hand away.

Jeno gets his bearings together and reigns Donghyuck in with a hand on his shoulder, “You’re going to give Mark-hyung an aneurysm. Let’s talk about the plan.”

This is Jeno’s asset, Jaemin thinks, his ability to transition Donghyuck from jokes to work so smoothly. His steady level-headedness when everyone else operates on emotion and his mild personality rarely crashes with anybody. When Mark is not there, he’s who they look up to, who they follow, no matter how much shit they usually give him.

Mark sighs, “Thank you, Jeno. Let’s discuss the easy things first. For our squad primarily, I want at least one of you sticking next to Zhong Chenle at all times. Not saying that the other people in the medical team aren’t at risk, but in terms of profile, Zhong Chenle has a higher target on his back. Chairman’s son, Nobel Prize winner, and everything else he’s known for...if something were to happen to him, under our protection, it would be big news.”

“I agree with that,” Donghyuck takes notes on a pad of paper, “I’ll discuss with the medical team later. The more aware they are of the risks, the smoother everything will be. I sleep in the same area as they do, so there’s no need to worry about the evenings, but how do you suggest the arrangements for guarding him?”

Yangyang pipes up at that, “I think consistency is the key. As you said, you’ll be guarding in the evenings, in addition to other soldiers patrolling the area, but having one person throughout the day would be best. Yukhei can do Mondays, I can do Tuesdays, or something to that extent.”

“That’s a good idea,” Mark nods at Yangyang, who grins at the praise. “You all can draw lots or fight amongst yourselves. Moving on, I need someone to work with me and the Intelligence unit in identifying leads. We’ve got the brother of the original infected kid in our custody, as he waits for his brother to recover. Once he wakes up, we can interview him to see if he can tell us more information. Yukhei? Jaemin?”

“Sure, Captain.” Yukhei easily agrees with the request. Jaemin nods too, straightening up.

To Yukhei, Mark assigns, “I want you to work with the intelligence unit and visit the village routinely. See if anything is amiss or anything is out of the ordinary. Ask around, befriend the locals. Report back to me and our intelligence unit everything you see.”

To Jaemin, Mark says, “For you, I want you to handle the interview with the kid when he wakes up. You have a very nice, trustworthy face—”

Jisung gasps, “Hyung, are you saying we look ugly?” Donghyuck slow on the uptake gasps too, “How dare you—”

Mark just continues on and Jaemin pretends he doesn’t hear the two grumbling, “You’ve always been good at blending in with the crowd, it’s an asset to us. On the off chance that this is an inside job, I want you to observe everyone quietly. If anyone is acting suspicious, let us know immediately so we can look into it. Similar to Yukhei, report to me weekly, unless you believe there’s something you feel is incredibly important for us to look at.”

“Okay, Mark-hyung.”

“For the rest of you guys, just be careful, okay? I don’t want anyone getting hurt, even though that’s always a sure possibility in our job. Whoever is behind this is smart, so don’t investigate leads by yourself without calling for backup. You are all dismissed.”

—-

_Their first date is disastrous. They’re awkward, too nervous, floundering between acting like usual and acting how one should when one is on a date. Jaemin overthinks it. The night before he had almost called his mom to ask what to wear. He barely stopped himself and then had thrown himself on his bed, next to the growing pile of clothes._

_He then proceeded to stare at the ceiling and thought back to every romance drama he’s watched. Should he hold Donghyuck’s hand? Are they going to kiss? Should he bring flowers? These questions keep him up all night and when he wakes up, he belatedly realizes the time and ends up rushing through getting ready._

_He gets to their meeting place, a noisy arcade, and he’s out of breath, panting. He looks around to see Donghyuck on his phone. He looks...good. His black hair styled, a blue denim jacket on, and long legs in tight skinny jeans._

_Jaemin self-consciously looks down at his outfit, the scuffed yellow converses he slipped on, the loose blue jeans, and a simple white jacket over a white shirt that was by the door. God, he feels out of depth. But before he could back out, Donghyuck looks up from his phone and makes eye contact with him and his expression looks so hopeful and nervous that Jaemin has no choice but to swallow down his own nerves and wave back._

_It’s all downhill from there. Donghyuck is, for the lack of a better word, restrained. The Donghyuck he knows is competitive, a sore loser, and could never shut up when he’s fighting a losing battle. If that’s so, then how come he’s not saying anything as Jaemin demolishes him at street fighter for the fifth time in a row? Or is that how you’re supposed to act on a date? Swallow your pride?_

_A little bit of the Donghyuck he knows comes out when they play the punching game and he scores several points higher than Jaemin. He spins around with a bright smug grin, before he awkwardly tries to stamp it down. Jaemin had been ready to whine and challenge him again, but now the air is weird._

_After the arcade, Jaemin’s body aches for coffee and Donghyuck brightly suggests this coffee shop place that he knows down the street. They walk together and Jaemin can’t even try to hold Donghyuck’s hand because he’s got it stuffed inside his jacket._

_Then, when it came to paying for coffee, they had argued in front of the cashier on who was going to pay and the cashier had cut in with a monotone voice to say that if they could decide quickly and not hold up the line, it would be much appreciated. It had Jaemin slapping his debit card down and the cashier had taken it before Donghyuck could even protest._

_They sit in a secluded corner of the coffee shop and the conversation is stilted. They struggle for conversation topics and halfway through it, Jaemin is convinced that maybe this isn’t the best idea. He must’ve stayed in his head for too long, because Donghyuck sighs loudly and gives Jaemin a sad smile._

_“What’s wrong?” Jaemin asks, brows furrowing._

_“I don’t think this is going to work out.” Donghyuck states, and Jaemin startles. “I’m boring you, aren’t I? You’re zoning out and you’ve been frowning the whole day. You must be regretting this--”_

_“I know this is a date, so I shouldn’t be telling you to shut up. But shut up.” Jaemin says pointedly, having enough of Donghyuck putting words in his mouth. “Has it been awkward? Yes. I won’t pretend that seeing you act so unlike yourself hasn’t been unsettling--"  
_

_Donghyuck makes a wounded noise, not unlike a little crow squawking, but Jaemin continues speaking, “But why are you jumping the gun? This is my first ever date, so I don’t know how it works. But I like you and I want a refund.”_

_“A refund?”_

_“No, no, a retake! Ugh, Donghyuck, you know what I mean.” Jaemin runs a hand through his hair, and tries to distract himself by looking out the window._

_“So what you’re saying is you want a second date?” Donghyuck says it like he can’t believe it._

_Jaemin nods, reaching across the table for Donghyuck’s hand, like he’s been wanting to all day. His hand is warm, like the wonder on Donghyuck’s face, and it soaks him. “Next time, just be yourself, okay? You don’t have to pretend like you’re not obnoxious about winning or losing.”_

_“I am not obnoxious!” Donghyuck gasps, but when Jaemin simply raises a brown, he deflates, pouting. “Okay, so maybe going to the arcade where my competitive side is triggered may not have been the best place to go.”_

_“Is that where you bring all your dates?” Jaemin teases._

_“It’s a good place to go on a date, it’s fun!”_

_Jaemin snorts, “I’ll plan it next time. All you have to do is be yourself. I want to get to know you. Not some version of you that you think I’ll like better.”_

_Donghyuck bites his lip, nodding. And Jaemin thinks he looks absolutely pretty, with the way the sun brings a natural highlight to his cheeks. The browns melting into gold in the light, the blues of his denim jacket, and the pink of his lips--it must be soft. Jaemin wants to see if it’s as soft as he thinks it might be. If like the plant of his childhood, would his mouth part or shy away at his touch?_

_Jaemin shouldn’t say it, but he can’t stop himself, “I hope you look this cute next time too, though.”_

_Red blooms on Donghyuck’s cheeks and it would be a lie to say that Jaemin doesn’t want to press his mouth there too._

\--

Jaemin is set to follow Mark’s order immediately. He’d passed on the message that he would take whatever assignment they wanted to give him in relation to Zhong Chenle’s security. Now, he sat his tray in the far corner of the cafeteria hall, so he can observe everyone quietly from his position.

His plans are ruined when the least likely person he expects marches up to his table, quickly followed by the person he can never escape from.

“Hello,” Renjun announces himself, brightly, setting his food down in front of Jaemin. Donghyuck grabs at Renjun, but Renjun doesn’t budge.

“Jun,” Donghyuck hisses, but Jaemin waves Donghyuck’s concerns away.

“It’s fine. You can both sit here.”

“I told you it was going to be fine,” Renjun says, sitting down and dragging Donghyuck to sit down too, beside him. “Jaemin, I never formally introduced myself. I know you think otherwise, but I _wholeheartedly_ believe we would get along really well. I’m Huang Renjun.”

_God, this guy is cheeky_ , Jaemin thinks, eyeing the hand Renjun extends to him. He takes it, shaking it lightly, “Na Jaemin, but you seem to know that already.”

He glances over at Donghyuck, who’s watching the exchange apprehensively, like the fallout of whatever bad thing to happen would be his fault.

Renjun shrugs, “I hear your name all the time. Whenever your team is exercising around the compound, the other doctors are sighing your name. It was getting kind of annoying.”

Jaemin shrugs too, “I was just trying to maintain my health. I would recommend doing the same.” And then to add insult, he takes some of the string beans off his plate, and places them on Renjun’s, “Your plate was lacking a little greens, so I gave you some.”

“Why didn’t you give them to Donghyuck?” Renjun gapes at him, moving to take the string beans off his plate.

“Donghyuck hates string beans,” Jaemin explains, as Donghyuck blocks Renjun’s chopsticks from coming near his plate.

Donghyuck looks up surprised, “You still remember that?”

“How could I not, you’d always make such a disgusted face at it?” Jaemin rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. That little detail just came out unbidden, he hadn’t really thought about the implications of it. It was months of friendship first and then years after that. A couple of months apart isn’t enough to make you forget things that were imprinted in your brain.

Renjun snorts, “Okay, so I’ll eat the damn string beans myself.” He sulkily bites into one, and chews on it like a cow.

Jaemin is supposed to watch everyone, but these two clowns in front of him are distracting him. Renjun looks like he’s one green bean bite away from asking another uncomfortable question, and Donghyuck is one chew away from Jaemin leaning over and pinching his cheeks.

He had done so well the past few months, had successfully avoided him and all the places they used to frequent, but here, with Donghyuck so close, the past keeps coming back. But seeing him so close to death had been a rude awakening. He couldn’t stay away and couldn’t pretend not to care. He couldn’t keep ignoring him when his life was almost cut short.

His brush with death had awakened too many feelings. Too many things he tried burying deep down.

Donghyuck is too close, sitting in front of him slurping his noodles. He can see too closely where the constellation of moles are on his face, the one on his neck, and he knew by heart where all the others were down—

Somebody clears their throat and sets their food down and when Jaemin looks up, he sees Jeno smiling at everyone. “Can I sit here?”

“No, Jeno, my invisible ghost friend is already sitting beside me.” Jaemin rolls his eyes, but at the same Renjun looks at Jeno and says, “Depends. Do you hate string beans?”

Jeno hits Jaemin on the shoulder and sits down. At Renjun’s question, he asks, “Depends, were the string beans dropped on the floor and now you’re tricking me into eating them?”

Renjun makes a face at that, absolutely disgusted, and Jaemin laughs, wrapping an arm around Jeno’s shoulder, “No, Jeno, they came from my plate.”

“Even worse,” Jeno jokes, but he turns to Jaemin with his bright eyes smiling and he can’t even find it to be offended by the joke. “Where are these unwanted string beans?”

“Here, here,” Renjun says, immediately moving the string beans to Jeno’s plate. “I would’ve made Donghyuck eat them if he wasn’t so vehemently opposed to them, as Sergeant Na Jaemin claims.”

Jeno raises a brow at that, “You should still make him eat it. He’s a small, recovering boy. He needs all the vitamins he can get.” He waves a string bean in Donghyuck’s direction.

At the corner of his eye, he sees Mark head toward their table with his own food, but at spotting who he was sitting with, immediately stops to eat at another table. Jaemin sighs, picking at his food. So much for observing for anything suspicious.

He’s too deep in his thoughts, he doesn’t notice Donghyuck’s gaze on him, when he’s not looking.

—

This new relationship with Donghyuck isn’t bad. It just…takes some time relearning how to be friends, without stepping on each other’s feet. It’s easy when there’s enough people, but when it’s just the two of them. It’s like there’s suddenly a shortage of topics to talk about.

Just like today, when it’s Jaemin’s turn to stand guard over Zhong Chenle. He doesn’t have to necessarily follow the man like gum at the bottom of his shoe, but he does have to be aware of his location at all times. Donghyuck works with Zhong Chenle too, but more of an addition when things are terribly busy, and less as a medical staff.

He’s loitering around the same area Jaemin is at too, and it’s awkward. He glances over at Donghyuck, surprised to see him already looking at him, and Donghyuck smiles hesitantly in greeting.

God, how different he is. When Jaemin had avoided him, he had been recalcitrant, terribly angry, and heartbreakingly sad. As friends, with Jaemin meeting his eyes head on, Donghyuck seems unsure, hesitant, faltering. He finds that he hates seeing him like so, the Donghyuck that he had lo—

Oh, he’s walking over. Jaemin can only watch as he approaches, fighting to keep his composure and face devoid of any panic. As long as Donghyuck doesn’t put his hand over his chest, he won’t realize how hard Jaemin’s heart is pounding.

“Hey,” Donghyuck says, smiling much brighter than he did earlier. “Good Morning!”

“Morning,” Jaemin says, voice still gruff. He had woken at the last possible minute, washed his face, and strolled in while drinking coffee, which hadn’t set in yet. Maybe it was the lack of enthusiasm on his part, but Donghyuck’s smile dimmed and Jaemin didn’t mean for that, so he rushed to say, “Sorry, my body is still processing the coffee I downed 5 minutes ago.”

“You just got up, didn’t you?” Donghyuck eyes his messy fringe, peeking out of his hat. “I could tell, your hair is barely brushed.”

Jaemin slowly looks over Donghyuck’s appearance, from his perfectly styled hair down to his clean army boots, then back up to Donghyuck’s eyes. He decidedly ignores the way Donghyuck looked flushed or the way he was biting his lip and shrugs, “Yeah, I literally got up and went over here. Figured I’d just be ignored over here, so I didn’t bother.”

Donghyuck hums, “I see, I see.”

Jaemin hums back, nothing else to say. He focus instead on the clinic, of little children being carried by their mothers, of teenagers looking a little worse for wear, too skinny for their age. He sees Renjun cooing and shushing a small little toddler, promising that the needle won’t hurt that much and that the vaccine would make sure he would grow up safe and healthy. He sees Kun patting a girl on the head, her age around 10. She smiles, saying something that Jaemin can’t hear as he was too far, but Kun gives her a lollipop in exchange. Jaemin smiles at that exchange.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Donghyuck says, breaking him from his thoughts.

“Did I ever tell you,” Jaemin says, still looking at the little girl, “I used to volunteer at orphanages before I enlisted?”

Donghyuck cocks his head to the side, “You might have mentioned it once? But what about it?”

“Well, you know how I didn’t really have a nice time growing up? I was kind of a lonely kid and didn’t really know what to do with my time. My mom was really worried I’d keep getting into fights, so she had me volunteer at the orphanage near my house. She forced me to on her part, but I actually really liked it. I loved talking to the little kids. It was so easy to make them smile. I’d bring them candy like you guys to these kids. They’d run screaming to the door when they hear me come in.”

“I’m not surprised. You’ve always been good at that.”

“At volunteering?”

“No, at helping people, silly. Making them smile. There wasn’t a baby you wouldn’t stop for.” Donghyuck smiles at the ground, reminiscing. “Although, I admit I’ve always had a hard time picturing you as a little delinquent. You seemed like the type of child Mark-hyung was?”

“What’s that?”

“A people pleaser.”

“Then you don’t know me very well.” Jaemin deflects, but Donghyuck scoffs. He has the right to after all, there was a point in time where Jaemin was overflowing. Every hidden hurt, every story untold, every painful memory ever stored in him had threatened to burst out of him. Wherever he went, he took it with him.

It was Donghyuck who had looked at him then and said _Why are you keeping that all with you?_

_I don’t know where to put it,_ he had said. Donghyuck had smiled and said, _give it to me, I’ll hold it for you._

“You don’t think you are? I think you like to please people. Not everyone, but the people you care about at least. The ones whose opinion you value the most.” Donghyuck looks at him, gaze piercing. It makes Jaemin uncomfortable. This conversation is a step away from the very issue that drove them apart, and he’s not emotionally prepared to go through this conversation just yet.

So, Jaemin doesn’t take the bait and agrees, “Sure, let’s go with that.”

Whatever Donghyuck thought Jaemin was going to say, that was clearly not it, for Donghyuck deflates, like a sad balloon. Disappointed at what? Jaemin pretends to not know.

Donghyuck simply sighs out and lets it go. Like a peace offering, he changes the topic, “So what do you think of Renjun and Jisung? I caught them kissing the other day.”

“You caught them doing WHAT?”

Well, that’s a topic he has many things to say about.

—

They spend weeks walking this tightrope between friendship and what they used to have. It’s easier some days, when they’re just hanging out with their friends or when their team thinks they’ve found a lead behind the biohazard attack. But there are days where it’s hard and Jaemin doesn’t know where his own feelings lie.

The day of Donghyuck’s birthday is one of them. Mark gives them the night off, and then Jeno had pouted and pouted until Mark had caved and allowed himself the night off to join them in celebrating too. They weren’t even going to leave the compound, Jeno had argued.

Jeno had set everything up too. With the help of Renjun and Chenle, they were able to distract Donghyuck and when the time came, they had been able to drag an unassuming Donghyuck to the mess room where they had set up food and drinks and balloons. Everybody was wearing party hats and when the door opened, the lights turned on to show a surprised Donghyuck with Chenle and Renjun grinning at his side.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU--” Everyone begins singing and Donghyuck laughs out loud at the messy looking birthday sign, while Yukhei hands him a birthday hat to wear. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU--”

Jaemin helps with lighting the birthday cake, and once all the candles are lit, Jeno carries it over to where Donghyuck is standing. He himself is singing, “Happy Birthday, dear Donghyuck, Happy Birthday to you--”

And then everybody cheers for him to blow the candles out, he closes his eyes to make a wish and then blows.

When he opens his eyes and smiles, he glows so beautifully, even under the yellow fluorescent lights of the room. He smiles so bright, it feels like everyone around him is in the presence of the sun. Jaemin’s heart hurts, this is how Donghyuck should always look like.

“How the fuck did you guys get all of this food here? And that! That’s expensive champagne,” Donghyuck walks over to his seat at the table, holding the champagne up and inspecting the label.

Jeno throws an arm around his shoulders, “Oh that? That’s because it’s a gift from your father.”

Donghyuck’s smile falls, and for a moment, Jeno thinks that Donghyuck would ask him to throw it away. But all he does is set the bottle down and says, “Good. We can all get drunk tonight on somebody else’s coin.”

Yukhei cheers, loud and unrestrained, and grabs the bottle to pop it open, “What are we waiting for? Drink up!”

Drink up they did. It reminds Jaemin of the times when they were trainees, hearts light even though their bodies were aching at the training they were made to undergo. Then, they were in a small samgyeopsal restaurant, hidden in the alleys of Itaewon, and it had only been five of them.

Mark is surprisingly knocking back a couple of shots of soju, but it’s certainly less alarming than the current drinking contest between Renjun and Donghyuck, egged on by Chenle, of all people.

Donghyuck’s face is already so red, and he’s got an average tolerance at best. Renjun isn’t any better, especially since Donghyuck keeps cheating and giving Jeno the shots that he’s supposed to take.

Jaemin elbows Jeno, scolding him, “I know it’s his birthday, but can you stop encouraging him? He’s going to pass out at the rate he’s going.”

But Jeno’s a little gone too, and distracted by the bright laughter coming from Chenle, who keeps pouring alcohol into Renjun and Donghyuck’s cups. Jaemin looks at what the others are doing, looking for someone to stop this madness. But Mark is swaying in his seat, enthralled by Yukhei and Yangyang who must be telling the most interesting story in the world. He makes eye contact with Jisung instead, giving him a pointed look and gesturing at Renjun.

Jisung’s eyes bug out, as if to say, _what do you want me to do about it?_

Jaemin makes knife cutting motions at his throat and Jisung turns to where Renjun is baiting Donghyuck to take another shot. Jisung sighs and calls out, “Renjun-hyung.”

To Jaemin’s surprise, Renjun cuts his tirade against Donghyuck and turns to Jisung, “Hm?”

It would be cute, Jaemin thinks, if the cuteness didn’t disgust him so much. Jisung waves him over and Renjun coos, going over to him. He walks a little shakily, which has Jisung meeting him halfway, “Jisung-ie, you are so cute today.”

Jisung blushes, looking around the room to see if anybody heard. Jaemin averts his eyes for him and pretends to mind his own business. “Ah, hyuuuung,” Jisung whines, holding Renjun’s hands, “You’re stumbling, you’ve had enough to drink.”

“But Donghyuck--” Renjun protests, but Jisung cuts him off, “Don’t worry, Donghyuck has been cheating you the last 5 rounds, so you win by default. You’re a winner, hyung.”

Renjun giggles and whatever else that’s said between them, Jaemin doesn’t hear. With Renjun occupied with Jisung, Donghyuck has been left to his devices and his attention had suddenly honed in on the one person unoccupied in the room. Jaemin.

Donghyuck brightly calls him over, waving his hand cutely in the air, “Na Jaemin, come sit with me.” He pats the seat next to him, excitedly.

Jaemin sends a prayer for patience and strength, as he takes a seat next to Donghyuck. An uninhibited Donghyuck is a force to be reckoned with.

Donghyuck frowns, “Why aren’t you drinking and having fun?”

“I don’t drink, remember? Besides, somebody needs to watch out for everyone.” Jaemin explains. He’s never been the biggest drinker in the first place, and he’s not a fan of the taste.

“Hmph,” Donghyuck turns his attention to the glass of wine in front of him, “But it’s my birthday.”

Jaemin chuckles, “Yes, congratulations.’

Coyly, Donghyuck glances at him, “Thank you. Did you get me a present?”

“I’ll give it to you later.”

“That just means you haven’t gotten me anything, haven’t you?” Donghyuck laughs, “It’s okay, you were very bad at giving presents on time. Last time, you gave me my present in January. That’s a whole six months earlier.”

Jaemin shrugs, “Well, I saw it and thought of you, and figured I didn’t really need to wait until your birthday to get it.”

“Sure, sure,” Donghyuck waves his excuses off. His eyes are glassy and he keeps licking his lips. He should have some water. Jaemin reaches over to the other side of the table, where a pitcher of water had been sitting.

He pours Donghyuck a glass and hands it to him, “You’ll feel much better in the morning, if you start drinking water now.”

Donghyuck happily takes the glass from him and gulps it down. He is a bit enthusiastic about it that some droplets of water end up spilling on him. Jaemin acts fast and dabs his face with a paper towel, and Donghyuck watches him carefully. 

“W-what?” Jaemin stutters out, suddenly nervous at the serious gaze Donghyuck has. “Is there something on my face?”

“I have an idea of what you should give me for my birthday. Something I really, really want.” Donghyuck states, looking devilish with his smile.

“You look so scary, what is it---”

Donghyuck asks Jaemin to lean closer, so that he could whisper it in his ear. Jaemin follows his instruction and just when he thought Donghyuck was going to say something, he feels something wet hit his cheek and he recoils, “Hyuck! What the fu--”

Donghyuck giggles, he giggles so loudly and triumphantly and Jaemin’s getting a headache. He would’ve said something too, if he wasn’t completely enamored by how happy he looks. So he just grumbles, looking away.

“Ya, Na Jaemin!” He whips his head to the voice calling his name, to see Renjun with an arm wrapped around Jisung’s waist. Jisung looks very, very apologetic. “Don’t come back to your room. I’m sleeping with Jisung tonight.”

“What!” Jaemin stands up to protest, but Donghyuck grabs his arm to pull him back down, “Did he just kick me out of my own room? The nerve of this guy, oh my god--”

Donghyuck shushes him, patting his hair as if it would soothe him, “There, there, Nana, there, there. That short little boy didn’t mean it.”

Jaemin groans, “Where am I supposed to sleep tonight, god, what are they? Teenagers?”

“I have an idea,” Donghyuck and his ideas. Jaemin is screwed. “Renjun and I are roommates, so you can just sleep in my room.”

“It’s okay, I can sleep on the couch.”

Donghyuck pouts, pulling his hands away from Jaemin’s hair, “I thought you said we were friends. Friends can stay on their friend’s beds. You can sleep on my bed and it wouldn’t be weird, right?”

Jaemin gulps, “You know, I’m like an octopus in my sleep, right? There’s no way I’m sleeping in your bed.”

Donghyuck pouts even more, choosing to stand, but fails when he almost topples. He sits back down, “The world is spinning and I am upset.”

Jaemin sighs, “You should go to sleep, come on, I’ll even bring you to your room.”

Jaemin holds Donghyuck and guides him out of the room, which isn’t too hard, given how Donghyuck just clings to him. They’re stopped by Jeno on the way out.

“Where are you guys going?”

“Going to bed,” Donghyuck sing-songs, snuggling his face against Jaemin’s neck.

Jeno is rightfully alarmed, “Um, are you guys back together?”

Donghyuck shushes him, “Oh my god, don’t say that Jeno. We are just two buddies. Sleeping in the same room. Five feet apart, cause we’re not gay.”

“I don’t think Jaemin should bring you to bed--”

“Jeno,” Jaemin places a hand on his shoulder, “We’re adults. I’m perfectly sober. I’m not sleeping with him. I’ll sleep on the couch or something.”

From Jaemin’s side, Donghyuck winks at Jeno and Jeno sighs, ready to protest even more, but Jaemin easily side steps him and goes to their destination.

Donghyuck’s room is exactly like Jaemin’s. After all, they’re in a military compound and they’ve been miraculously given two-person rooms, when typically, they try to fit as many people in one. “Which bed is yours?”

Donghyuck steps away from Jaemin’s hold and he falls into his bed, instead of answering Jaemin’s question. He squirms in his own bed, trying to get his body under the covers. But all it does is disorient him and he looks so pitifully at Jaemin for help, that Jaemin can’t help but go to him.

“Your shoes are still on, Hyuck, take them off,” Jaemin lectures, but ends up taking it off himself, while Donghyuck hums to himself. “You should change out of your uniform too.” He moves to unbutton Donghyuck’s uniform, and he’s having a hard time unbuttoning it because Donghyuck keeps moving.

He ends up kneeling over Donghyuck in bed to unbutton his shirt, but this time, it’s Donghyuck’s hand who stops him. “Hey,” Donghyuck slurs, “Who are you and why are you in my bed?”

Oh god, Jaemin thinks, Donghyuck is so far gone he can’t even remember or recognize him. Donghyuck is squinting very hard at him.

“Donghyuck, it’s me,” Jaemin strokes his hair, as to not alarm him. It does the trick; the soothing gesture calms him down and helps him settle in bed.  
  
Donghyuck doesn’t protest and lets him remove his uniform, but he does continue talking, “You’re kind of handsome from here.”

Jaemin snorts, but stays quiet.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re good-looking alright. Kinda pretty,” Donghyuck continues, and then at his next words, Jaemin’s heart drops, “But not as pretty as my boyfriend.”

“You have a boyfriend?” Jaemin asks, bewildered. If he had one, then why is this the first time he’s hearing about it?

Donghyuck hums, sighing happily at the thought, “Yeah, he’s the best. He’s smart, pretty, and the sweetest boyfriend in the world. He would always cook for me and never let me eat alone.”

Hearing all of this coming from Donghyuck himself is heart wrenching. It was inevitable that Donghyuck would move on, that he wouldn’t always love Jaemin. This was what he intended, anyway, right? He let Donghyuck go, so that he could be with someone better.

“Yeah, he’s so stubborn though. When he’s got his mind set on something, it’s so hard to get him to budge. He has the weirdest food habits too, and these days, I feel like he’s so far away from me.” Donghyuck’s happy tone takes a sad turn, and Jaemin’s heart aches for him. He continues, “I don’t think he loves me anymore.”

Jaemin takes a shaky breath, “Who on earth wouldn’t love you? Who’s this stupid boyfriend of yours? I’m gonna beat him up.” Jaemin convinces himself that this anger stems from his friendship with Donghyuck.

Donghyuck sighs, so so small and sad, curling on his side with his eyes closed and snuggling against his pillow, “His name is Na Jaemin.”

It’s a sucker punch to the gut. Jaemin feels a strange mix of emotions: relief, guilt, sadness, fondness, and then nothing. He feels empty, staring at Donghyuck’s sleeping figure. He sits there and waits for his breaths to even out and then leaves.

In the morning, Donghyuck wakes up with a massive hangover and no recollection of what happened the previous night. Jaemin doesn’t know how to feel.

\--

_For their second date, Jaemin is early this time. Early enough that he gets to watch Donghyuck look around and walk up to their meeting spot. This time he’s wearing a white jacket, white jeans. Like an angel, Jaemin’s mind helpfully provides._

_Jaemin comes up to him and gets to watch a smile bloom on his face, “Donghyuck, hi.”_

_“Hi,” Donghyuck says back, “Where are you taking me?”_

_“It’s a secret,” Jaemin tries saying mysteriously, but fails. This time, he doesn’t hesitate and immediately takes Donghyuck’s hand in his, which Donghyuck doesn’t expect. “Are you hungry?”_

_Donghyuck stutters, “H-hungry?”_

_Jaemin pulls him closer, so that he’s not dragging Donghyuck from behind him, and they’re walking side by side, hand in hand, “I know this really, really good place that has everything you could possibly want.”_

_“Everything I could want?” Donghyuck chuckles, “Now who’s trying really hard, right now?”_

_Jaemin looks down at him, pointedly looks at Donghyuck’s styled hair and his outfit, “I think we’re both trying pretty hard.”_

_That shuts Donghyuck up and it’s got Jaemin feeling pretty good. It’s got him puffing his shoulders, feeling pretty good for flustering Donghyuck and holding his hand, and it’s only 11 in the morning._

_They arrive at this unassuming plain looking building and Donghyuck squeezes his hand, “Jaemin, where are we?”_

_Jaemin grins, “I knew that your rich little ass would have never been here. We’re at Gwangju Market.”_

_“Oh, seriously? I’ve always wanted to go, but no one’s ever taken me.”_

_And this time, it’s Donghyuck who’s pulling Jaemin to go in. The moment they go through the door, it’s like a whole new world. It’s lunch time and there’s tons of people walking around, businessmen, working class people, some students. There’s lines and lines of food, streams of flags hung up above. But it was the smell that really caught their attention._

_Beside him, Donghyuck’s eyes are shining, head spinning to look at whatever food caught his eye. Jaemin fights the urge to laugh, fondness bubbling in him. “What do you want to eat first?”_

_There’s stars in Donghyuck’s eyes when he turns to Jaemin, “Everything. I want everything.”_

_This time, Jaemin really does laugh out loud, “Okay, but what do you want to eat first?”_

_“What’s your favorite thing to eat? Take me on a tour or something.”_

_So Jaemin takes him around, hands intertwined, because there was a lot of people and he didn’t want to get separated. They sit in front of a stall, selling bindaetteok. Jaemin had initially wanted to share just one piece, but Donghyuck looked like his mouth is watering, so he buys two._

_Donghyuck barely even looks at him and is enamored by the golden, crispy, pancake. He happily chomps on it and Jaemin barely pays attention to his own because he can’t take his eyes off of Donghyuck eating. He eyes the crumbs on his mouth and only realizes he’s staring when Donghyuck turns to him and says where they should go next._

_Jaemin manages to make it through 5 different stalls, going through naengmyeon, jokbal, almost 7 varieties of kimchi, and tteokbokki. The spicy, red sauce staining Donghyuck’s mouth is the last straw. Apparently, the tteokbokki’s got Donghyuck sated too, because he finally lets himself be pulled out of the busy market and back out into the world._

_Jaemin only manages to pull Donghyuck into a quiet alley in some random street near the market, before he pushes Donghyuck against a wall and kisses him._

_He tastes like surprise, spicy and sweet, and the food they’ve had should probably turn him off from kissing, but how could he, when Donghyuck parts his mouth so easily for him. How could he when Donghyuck tastes so good? How could he, when Donghyuck cradles Jaemin’s face in his hands, thumb moving softly on his cheek?_

_It’s Jaemin who pulls away first and he gets to watch Donghyuck open his eyes and it’s like getting up early and getting to watch the sun rise._

_\--_

_It’s easy after their second date. Surprisingly easy, Jaemin would marvel. They stay together through the seasons. Summer brought heat waves and popsicle sticks. It brought beautiful dates near the beach, hot sand under his feet and Donghyuck would drag him towards the water, barely letting himself take off his shoes. Summer was hot, hotter with Donghyuck’s mouth on his neck. But the sun burns through summer quickly, and goes to sleep. Autumn brings its cold air, roasted yams, and Donghyuck in cute sweaters. Autumn nights bring Donghyuck to his apartment, it brings nights where all they do is lie on Jaemin’s bed and watch Netflix like they had days to burn. Jaemin would lay his head on Donghyuck’s lap and he’d tell him whatever came to his mind._

_Aside from his mother, Jaemin had never had someone who’d been on his team and his team only. It’s funny how he’d thought Donghyuck would be the person most likely to make fun of him when he’d first met him. But with Donghyuck threading his hands through his hair, Jaemin feels safe to tell Donghyuck anything. That Donghyuck would take whatever hurt he had and listen._

_In winter, Jaemin finds himself sitting up in bed, Donghyuck confusedly sitting up with him, both of them leaning against the wall Jaemin’s bed is pressed against. Donghyuck reaches over to take his hand, “Sweetheart?”_

_That was a new thing, by the way. They’d cycle through disgusting pet names, like baby or honey. Baby was Jaemin’s favorite, but these days and only when they’re alone, Donghyuck would use the word ‘sweetheart’ and Jaemin knew how disgustingly cheesy it was, how their friends would make puking noises if they ever heard it. But hearing Donghyuck say it, it had made Jaemin feel like the most precious thing in the world. How tender a word could be._

_“Donghyuck, do you ever think you’re a terrible person?”_

_Donghyuck’s brows furrow, “Not more than the next person. Why, what’s wrong?”_

_In a low whisper, eyes averted, Jaemin admits, “I think I’m a terrible person.”_

_Donghyuck looked stricken and held his breath, but he’d let it out at the next words out of Jaemin’s mouth._

_“I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I was a bad kid and got into fights often. I’m bad at making friends. What am I trying to do here? Why are you with me?”_

_“Where is this coming from?” Donghyuck asks. “Is this about our performance results coming out soon? You’ve always been a good trainee. Your good efforts will translate to good results.”_

_Jaemin shakes his head, “I don’t know I just feel kind of aimless. I had joined in to the military, because I thought it would at least be a good thing to do. Protecting the elderly and the children. But now, I don’t know. Am I doing the right thing? Is that where I’m supposed to be?”_

_Donghyuck crawls over to hug him, “My lovely Na Jaemin, just do whatever you want and what feels right.” When he pulls away, Donghyuck asks, “Do you not want to be in the military anymore? Are you thinking about quitting?”_

_“Not to that extent. I’m just unsettled. Maybe it’s just the weather making me feel restless. Or the remnants of a bad dream.”_

_“In any case, do what you want. Live for yourself. Whatever you do, I’ll support you. I’ll always be by your side.” Donghyuck says, like a promise._

_Jaemin melts, and Donghyuck lies back down and pulls Jaemin to lie beside him, Jaemin lies on his side, rests his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder, and wraps his arm around his waist. “Sometimes, I think that the only place I truly belong with is by your side.”_

_Jaemin thinks that this is a certain type of intimacy. A different kind of undressing, revealing skin that’s never been bare before. Like asking someone to look at everything ugly about you and asking, please. Please what?_

_“It’s the truth,” Donghyuck mumbles, dropping a kiss to the top of Jaemin’s head, and then like a secret that’s only allowed to be whispered to the night, like an answer to a plea, he says, “I love you.”_

_\--_

_Winter ends and spring comes in, bringing light._

_Happy, that’s the word for it. Jaemin is so fucking happy._

_Donghyuck snores beside him, warm and dreaming of something far away, and Jaemin can’t help the surge of affection that runs through him that makes him lean over to kiss his bare shoulder. And because he can’t help it, he follows the line of moles that stretch across his shoulder, kissing each one._

_Donghyuck groans, turning away from Jaemin’s mouth, his eyes fluttering open. It was still dark outside, the sun barely making its move to rise. Donghyuck sits up and rubs his eyes, and with a voice hoarse from sleep, “Jaemin?”_

_“Come back to sleep, babe,” Jaemin coos, wrapping an arm around his waist to pull him down. Donghyuck easily lies back down, but this time, he lies down on his side, facing Jaemin, tucking his head on Jaemin’s shoulder. Jaemin’s heart feels overwhelmingly full._

_“Why are you awake,” Donghyuck asks, his hand moving underneath Jaemin’s shirt. “Couldn’t sleep?”_

_“I usually wake up early around this time,” Jaemin explains, “And how can I sleep after last night?”_

_Donghyuck laughs and then pulls himself up a bit, so he can look at Jaemin, “Oh? Looking for a repeat?”_

_“No,” Jaemin says, booping his nose, “I’m just really happy you’re here with me.”_

_Donghyuck grabs hold of Jaemin’s hand and presses a kiss to his finger, “Definitely looking for a repeat, I understand, I have that effect on people.”_

_“You are so gross,” Jaemin whines but he does it all with a smile, “I can’t believe I find you attractive, I can’t believe I want to suck your d-”_

_Dongyuck shuts him up with a kiss and when he pulls back, he's giving Jaemin the softest smile, "I can't believe I love you."_

_"I love you too," Jaemin says, and Donghyuck honest-to-god giggles, “You’re my love, my forever love, I love everything about you.”_

_“Like what?” Donghyuck asks, with wonder in his eyes._

_And Jaemin has to sit up, so he can look at Donghyuck in the eyes, looks at his brown eyes, golden skin, covered in shadows, to his swollen lips, down to his bare chest, and maybe Jaemin stares too long, because Donghyuck reaches for his hand and says, “my eyes are up here, buddy.”_

_Jaemin pays him no mind. In the early morning light, when nobody, not even the birds are awake, he’s allowed to stare and have this in a way he feels he can’t always when everybody else is watching. So carefully, he says, “I love the way you walk in brightness. When you hold me, I feel sun-kissed. I didn’t realize how cold I was until I met you. Like everything else was muted, and you brought everything in color.”_

_“You’re wasted in the military, Jaem,” Donghyuck murmurs, hypnotized by his words, “You should have been a poet.”_

_Jaemin looks at Donghyuck’s hands, considers the intersecting lines of his palm, love line over life line, and presses a soft kiss to it, “You make the rain feel like confetti.”_

_\--_

_The problem with good, precious things is you can’t put it in Jaemin’s rough, calloused hands. He’ll break it eventually._

_Jaemin is nervous. The type where he has to wipe his sweaty hands on his pants kind of nervous. He had never met anyone’s parents before. Donghyuck is his first boyfriend, after all. His first and, if he had anything to say about it, his last love. Their relationship was serious enough that Jeno had been surprised that he hadn’t met Donghyuck’s father yet._

_Jeno had dropped by his apartment to hand his cat, Bongshik, to him for the weekend. He was going on a solo trip abroad, and was reluctant to entrust his precious cat to anybody else. As much as Jeno couldn’t say no to Donghyuck, Donghyuck was very much the same when it came to Jeno. He took only one look at Jeno’s sad eyes and had said yes._

_Jeno frowned, “Donghyuck’s never been serious about anyone as he is about you, and he hasn’t introduced you to his father?”_

_Jaemin frowns too, hadn’t thought about much of it at all. Donghyuck’s father sounded intimidating, like he would get him gunned down for touching his son. Jaemin’s body would probably be scattered across the Pacific Ocean if his father found out about all the stuff they get to in Jaemin’s apartment._

_“Hm,” Jeno says, shrugging, “Actually, it kind of makes sense. I don’t think he’s ever introduced anyone he’s dating to his father.”_

_He leaves with that bomb and Jaemin doesn’t think much of it until Donghyuck had brought it up at dinner one night, “Jaem, my father wants to meet you.”_

_What was Jaemin supposed to do? Say no, when Donghyuck looked nervous asking him? It was like the President of the Blue house asking to meet you._

_So, Donghyuck leads him by the hand to his father’s large house in Gangnam and Jaemin feels like he’s suffocating in his scratchy brown sweater and coat. Donghyuck assures him he looks absolutely beautiful, but he’s nervous himself._

_But it turns out they were nervous for nothing. Donghyuck’s father is a tall man, must have been incredibly handsome when he was younger, and Jaemin thinks that Donghyuck’s features, all his roundness and soft edges, that must have been from his mother._

_Donghyuck’s father is a warm man too, greeting Donghyuck with a hug, fussing over him, like he was five years old “How is my little baby bear doing?”_

_“Dad,” Donghyuck hisses, struggling out of his hold. Jaemin smiles, standing back and letting the father-son duo have their moment. And then Donghyuck’s father’s gaze lands on Jaemin and Donghyuck turns around and goes back to Jaemin’s side._

_Donghyuck takes a deep breath and holds his hand, reassuringly, “Dad, this is Na Jaemin, my boyfriend.”_

_Jaemin smiles his best smile and bows his head, “It’s nice to meet you, Sir.”_

_“It’s finally good to meet my son’s best kept secret,” Donghyuck’s father jokes, “My name is Lee Dong Yoon.”_

_It takes a while for the name to register in Jaemin’s head, but then he realizes why the name is so familiar, “Sir, you’re the three-star General Lee Dong Yoon.”_

_Dong Yoon lets out a hearty laugh, “I didn’t know you youngsters could still recognize an old man like me.”  
_

_“Sir,” Jaemin shakes his head, “You’re a legend.”_

_Donghyuck lets out a snore at the conversation happening in front of him, “Ugh, what is this, pay more attention to me. I’m hungry and bored of this conversation.”_

_Dong Yoon leads them to the dining room, where a full feast was awaiting them, and he even pops open a bottle of wine for them. Jaemin thinks, wow, this is the difference between having money and not having any._

_Dinner goes on very well, in Jaemin’s opinion, until Donghyuck’s father asks him what station he was on, “What’s your rank, son?”_

_And Donghyuck hisses, “Dad, don’t ask him these kind of questions.”_

_But Dong Yoon waves him off and implores Jaemin to answer him. Jaemin does, not really understanding why Donghyuck was reprimanding his father, “Currently, I’m a sergeant in the military.”_

_Dong Yoon pauses from where he’s filling his glass with wine, “You’re a non-commissioned officer?”_

_“Yes,” Jaemin confirms, albeit more hesitant this time, feeling like he’s said the wrong answer. He thinks Dong Yoon will ask more but he simply nods and moves conversation topics. Jaemin feels like maybe it was a test but he can’t be sure if he’s passed or not._

_It’s when Donghyuck leaves the table and goes up to use the restroom that he figures it out._

_Only when Donghyuck leaves does Jaemin finally feel that his father is a 3-star general. The type of man that could make men shake with a simple look. Dong Yoon swirls his glass of wine, “What are your intentions with my son?”_

_This is the shovel talk he’s been expecting, “Sir, I love him, sincerely.”_

_Dong Yoon smiles, “Is that so? Then what are we to do with your position?”_

_Jaemin’s confidence falls, “What about my position?”_

_“Do you think you could stand beside my son as a non-commissioned officer? Men in your position are like cannon fodder. First in line when war comes. Think about how devastated he would be when that happens. If you love him, you should let him go.”_

_“S-sir,” Jaemin stutters, “I could make it up the ranks, I wouldn’t be a non-commissioned officer forever.”_

_Dong Yoon snorts, “It would take forever for someone of your status. Think of who you’re competing with. The difference in backgrounds, pedigree, education.”_

_They hear Donghyuck exit the bathroom and Dong Yoon smiles at him warmly, but Jaemin can see it in his eyes that he was completely serious. “I don’t doubt that you love him. He is so easy to love. All I ask is you do your duty in loving him. Let him go to someone he deserves.”_

_The threat was there, let him go or I will make you._

_He struggles to pretend he’s okay, the whole way home. That night, he lies awake, listening to Donghyuck’s snoring and is haunted by his father’s words._

_The military was supposed to be the great equalizer. He could see how your background could affect the college you get into, the job you end up with, your career progression. But the military was based on merit. It was supposed to be hard work, duty, and sacrifice. Something that couldn’t be bought but earned._

_But he was wrong about that too. This golden boy in his arms is royalty, a prince, a son of a highly regarded general. Who was Jaemin? He’s got a dead father on one hand, a mother who loved him with her whole heart on the other, that’s all Jaemin is. He had went directly to the military after fucking around in high school._

_But he loves Donghyuck and that should count for something, right? And Donghyuck loves him and that means they deserve each other, right?_

_Right?_

_Jaemin turns to face Donghyuck, who’s sleeping peacefully beside him, oblivious to the war in his head. He touches Donghyuck’s nose with his finger, traces the fullness of his bottom lip._

_Looking at Donghyuck usually gave him peace. But his father’s words were poison, and now all Jaemin can think is if he deserves him. He thinks of that big house in Gangnam, the stupid $200 bottle of red wine they drank. He thinks he can’t reach that._

_You can take the poor boy out of the streets, but you can’t turn him into a prince._

\--

He tries to forget that night, but the monotony of his patrol shifts and the lack of leads doesn’t do anything for his memory. Donghyuck doesn’t act any differently than he used to, but he isn’t privy to the turmoil Jaemin feels each time he sees Donghyuck.

It’s got him so out of focus, like the whole world has narrowed down to the way Donghyuck moves, to the words Donghyuck says, and even in his dreams, Donghyuck’s alcohol induced sleep talking, plays like a broken cassette tape over and over again.

It’s pure luck and a bad dream that brings him walking over to where doctors sleep, aware of Donghyuck sleeping peacefully while Jaemin can barely get any sleep at night. As he walks around their lodgings, he notices that one of the windows were broken, like someone had just punched through it and the door was wide open.

It’s pure gut instinct and years of training to be alert that has him rushing inside and praying that nothing bad has happened. All the doors are closed and nothing looks amiss, but he hears a quiet thump, like something’s fallen, and he crashes the door open, by using his body weight and sees a figure in black, his whole figure covered to hide his identity, and he’s got his hands wrapped around Chenle’s throat, choking him.

Jaemin acts immediately, kicking the man by the back of his knees, causing him to let go of Chenle and fall to the ground. Chenle starts heaving for air on his bed and Jaemin yells at him, “I’ll take care of him, sound the alarm and wake Donghyuck up.”

Chenle attempts to get out of the room, but the attacker grabs ahold of him. Jaemin kicks him again, this time stomping on the man’s arms to get him to let Chenle go. Chenle aids him by kicking his legs, and between the two of them, Chenle is able to escape.

Jaemin grabs the pocket knife he carries in his side, and he moves to stab the man somewhere that would hurt, but wouldn’t kill him. It’s imperative that this man stays alive.

He stabs the man on his thigh, on his side, and flings his knife away. He traps the man in a chokehold and the man thrashes, struggling in his grip, but it’s only a matter of time, before the lack of air affects him and passes out.

The man stops struggling in his grip, and just when he thinks the man is about to give up and give in. The man pulls at his necklace and bites at something, and Jaemin thinks, _fuck, fuck fuck_. He turns the man over, but the man in the mask is smirking.

It’s too late. Jaemin watches the man foam at the mouth.

When the rest of his team gets there, the man is already dead.

\--

Chenle has bruises on his throat and Jaemin thanks the heavens that he had decided to take a walk around the area. If he had been a minute late, where would they be? Renjun and Jeno comfort him, stroking his hair. He looks visibly shaken and pale, but he had no other physical injuries aside from the bruises.

Mark lays a hand on his shoulder, “Jaemin, good job. We don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t arrive at the time that you did.”

Jaemin nods tightly, “I didn’t realize he had put something in his mouth. I wanted to bring him in alive for questioning.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Mark says, “You’ve already done more than you were asked to.”

“How did he even get past our patrol? Who is he? Where is he from?” Jaemin asks, with frustration, running his hands in his hair.

“It’s okay, we can run something on his identity. We’ve already sent pictures to our intelligence unit. But Jaemin, this wasn’t the only attack tonight.”

“What else happened? Is anybody else hurt?”  
  
Mark’s expression looks grim, “The boy who had brought the disease to our camp is gone, just vanished. And his brother had vanished too. The only reason we know it wasn’t an escape attempt is the huge pool of blood left behind in their places.”

Jaemin’s blood runs cold. Whatever they’re doing right now, it’s not working. Whoever they’re opponent is, they’re too many steps ahead of them, and it’s only a matter of time they stop being lucky. It’s clear who the target is by now. “Someone out there wants their tracks hidden, and is targeting the Chairman’s kid. You don’t think it’s the people of the village, do you?”

“That would be the easy answer, to be honest. But the people there are honest. The kids adore Chenle, and based off Yukhei’s trips to town, the village’s sentiments towards China/Korea lean positively.”

“But there’s also that anti-militant group, right?”

Mark looks like he wants to say more, but there’s too many people around them. Everyone is now on high alert. This was supposed to be a simple peacekeeping mission. How did it end up like this?

“I don’t think it’s safe for him to be here anymore. Any of the doctors. Have you already discussed with General Lee on cutting the trip short?” Jaemin doesn’t want to overstep his boundaries, but he has to ask.

Mark smiles, taking no offense, “It’s in the works. It just looks bad on us, and I think that’s why they’re hesitating. They really want this Chinese-Korean friendship thing to work, and I know Chenle too is insistent on finishing their research and volunteering here.”

They look over to where Chenle is, who’s talking to Donghyuck and Jisung. They must be cheering him up, for his eyes crinkle like little crescent moons. Jaemin smiles, the kid is stronger than he looks.

\---

Jaemin tries not to watch the way Jeno and Chenle are slowly inching towards each other. It’s like watching his two children flirt for the first time. Whose bright idea was it to throw a party when they’ve just had a case of an assassin in the base? Half the team was on guard, and the other half was celebrating with the doctors with a warning of not drinking too much, in case anything else happened.

“They’re cute, aren’t they?”

Jaemin startles and looks to see Donghyuck stand beside him, hip cocked to the side and arms crossed. The yellow light looks pretty on him.

In front of them, Jeno reaches out to pat Chenle’s hair and Chenle looks at him with stars in his eyes. But Jaemin is only looking at Donghyuck. Donghyuck smiles softly, “Never thought Jeno would end up with a celebrity. Always thought he’d be a happy single old man surrounded by cats.”

Jaemin snorts at that, “Not with his cat allergy.”

This time, Donghyuck grins at him, “Let the man die happy.”

“You are so awful,” Jaemin teases, elbowing him. Donghyuck immediately elbows him back, and Jaemin honest-to-god giggles, feeling light. “They are cute. Chenle deserve to be happy after that scary experience.”

“Yeah, he said he owes you his life.” Donghyuck’s smile drops at that, and turns to fully look at Jaemin, “He told me it’s not the first threat he’s had on his life. He seems so bright sometimes I forget how stressful his life must be, given who his father is.”

“When I first took this assignment, I didn’t understand why General Lee had been assigned to it. I didn’t understand either why they needed a whole team of special forces for a simple humanitarian mission. Mark had told me it was going to be a good mission to be on, high rewards for our career if we did well on it.”

Donghyuck hums, “Is that why you took it?”

“Partly,” Jaemin hums back.

“What other reasons did you have?” Donghyuck asks, quietly.

Jaemin wants to be honest for once, wishes he had something to drink, so he can do this conversation much more easily. After the attempt on Chenle’s life, after Donghyuck being so close to death, after all this time of being in such close proximity to Donghyuck again, he doesn’t know if he can lie to himself anymore. He chooses to walk the path of truth this time, so he admits, “I was running away from everything that reminded me of you.”

“Oh,” Donghyuck says, so quietly, with a voice so small. Like he’d been stabbed in the gut. He smiles, and Jaemin hates the way it looks broken, hates how he put it there, “Must have been quite a surprise then to see me here, huh?”

“You could say that,” Jaemin says, and watches as Donghyuck’s face falls even more. He always did wear his heart on his sleeve. It made Jaemin feel heady with power once, the way he’d say things and he could immediately see the way Donghyuck would flush and stutter at it.

“It seemed genuine at the time, and I never doubted it when we were together, but now, seeing how easily you’ve moved on, how easy it was for you to let me go, I have to ask.” Donghyuck steels himself, before bravely pushing on, “Did you ever even love me?”

Oh, Jaemin wants to look away. He’s ashamed at the way Donghyuck felt like he had to ask the question. “It wasn’t easy to let you go,” Jaemin says, firmly. “It wasn’t an easy task to move on either. There’s nothing easy about missing you.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, his expression turning to anger, quick like a firecracker, and then to confusion, the fire defused before it could burn anything up. “It felt like you just threw me away,” Donghyuck trembles.

“There is nothing on this earth that I loved as much as I loved you, you have to know that,” Jaemin says, as earnestly as he could. He pleads, “So don’t ask me ever again if I ever loved you. Every part of me ached with the loss of you.” 

“I took all these assignments abroad, because everything back home reminded me of you,” Jaemin admits, looking away, looking up at the sky, at the stars that twinkle back at him, “I would take the train and remember all the times we’d take that last train home, I would go home and lie in bed and remember the first time you told me you loved me, I can’t drink my favorite coffee without remembering how you’d make it for me in the mornings. I can’t even go to my favorite cafe without the barista asking about where my cute boyfriend was.”

“Jaemin,” Donghyuck whispers, stepping closer.

“I didn’t know how to answer her question. What was I supposed to say?” Jaemin laughs, letting the self-deprecation color his words, “That I messed it all up? That I thought I wasn’t good enough for you and drove you away? That when your father asked me to break up with you, I willingly pushed you away, even when you begged me not to break up with you?”

“I hate how it all ended. We were so good-” Jaemin stops when he hears a sniffle.

“Don’t fucking say a word,” Donghyuck quickly turns away, covering his eyes, “How dare you say this to me now!”

“Hyuck!” Jaemin tries to uncover his face, but Donghyuck slaps his hands away, “Are you crying, oh my god.”

“I cannot stand you right now. You are such a fucking idiot,” Donghyuck spits, but Jaemin is relentless, and he manages to pull Donghyuck’s hands away and cup his cheeks. Donghyuck sobs, and Jaemin uses his thumbs to wipe the tears away.

“I can’t do anything right,” Jaemin says, looking at Donghyuck’s wide teary eyes, his red cheeks, and pouting lips. “All I do is make you cry.”

“Be honest with me,” Donghyuck says, grasping at Jaemin’s wrist. Jaemin nods. He’s tired of running away, of keeping secrets. “For some ungodly reason, I’m still in love with you, and I still want you back. How do you feel about that?”

It feels like forgiveness, Jaemin wants to say. Like grace, like something undeserved. Donghyuck turns his head to kiss at Jaemin’s hand, “Jaem?”

“Fuck it all,” Jaemin says, pulling on Donghyuck’s hand, ignoring Donghyuck’s confused squeak. He drags Donghyuck away from the music, the dancing and the laughter, ignoring Mark’s questioning gaze and Jisung’s wide eyed expression. Donghyuck lets himself be pulled, who only looks on unsurely as Jaemin brings them to an empty room. It’s dark and with the moonlight shining through the window, Donghyuck recognizes that it’s the break room area adjacent to the little kitchen they have on the base.

Jaemin pushes him down the couch, and Donghyuck gapes at him, in disbelief, when Jaemin settles on his lap, legs squeezing around Donghyuck’s hips, “I still love you,” Jaemin confesses. “Take me back,” Jaemin pleads.

Donghyuck blinks, and then smiles, a small tentative one, “I never thought I’d hear you say those words.”

Jaemin shakes his head, “I love you,” he says before pressing a soft kiss to Donghyuck’s mouth. He pulls away before it can even register to Donghyuck that he’s been kissed, “I love you,” he says again.

“Say it one more time,” Donghyuck says, his smile widening.

“I’ll say it as many times as you want,” Jaemin declares, before leaning over to press a kiss to Donghyuck’s neck. Like a cup overflowing, he says, “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you-”

Donghyuck cups Jaemin’s cheek, guiding his face up, “My face is up here.”

Jaemin laughs and Donghyuck laughs back. Jaemin presses a hand against the back of the sofa, right by where Donghyuck’s head rests against, “How could I miss it? It’s so pretty.”

“You’re the pretty one,” Donghyuck says, even if Jaemin’s comment has him flushing red. “It used to drive me up the wall when all the girls would stare at you, the way they’d bat their eyelashes wondering if you were as sweet as your smile.”

Jaemin looks down, biting back a smile, and Donghyuck groans, “Even your eyelashes are pretty.”

“Hyuckie,” Jaemin breathes, heart full and body burning with want. He watches as Donghyuck licks his lips, hypnotized.

“If we do this,” Donghyuck grasps at Jaemin’s hand, intertwining them and then dropping a kiss to each hand, “promise me you’re not going to run away. Jaemin, if this is a one-time thing, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I can only do one more heartbreak in this lifetime--”

Jaemin eagerly kisses him and squeezes their intertwined hands. When he pulls away, Donghyuck’s eyes are starry eyed, “I promise, I promise, I promise--”

And this time, it’s Donghyuck who kisses him, hungry, licking into his mouth. Donghyuck lets go of his hands to hold Jaemin by his hips, hands roaming underneath his uniform to feel warm skin. Jaemin kisses every part of Donghyuck he can reach, from his nose to his cheeks down to the line of his jaw. When he gets to Donghyuck’s neck, he sighs, “God, I missed this, you smell so good…”

He presses a soft kiss at a mole on his neck, before sucking at the spot. His own hand moves to untuck Donghyuck’s shirt from his pants, sighing when he reaches warm, warm skin. Donghyuck gasps when Jaemin’s fingers graze his nipple. Donghyuck can feel him smile against his skin, “Shut up, I can literally feel how smug you are.”

“You’re still so sensitive here, huh,” Jaemin’s thumb strokes around his chest, “I remember how turned on you’d get when all I’ve done is touch you right here.”

Donghyuck glares at him, but it’s softened by the way he pants and is trying very hard not to moan, “Don’t act like it doesn’t affect you.”

“Who says I’m not affected,” Jaemin rolls his hips, moaning when Donghyuck’s grip on his hips tightens and he can’t help but thrust up and against Jaemin’s ass. “It’s been so long since I’ve had-”

Donghyuck stops moving suddenly and Jaemin almost whines at the loss. Donghyuck eyes darken and his voice is low, “When was the last time?”

Jaemin fidgets, but Donghyuck won’t let this go. “I mean, if we’re counting my hand…”

Donghyuck kisses him, open and full of tongue sweeping in his mouth. When he pulls away, Jaemin tries to chase his mouth but Donghyuck shakes his head, smirking, “Baby, come on, when was the last time someone made you feel good?”

Jaemin narrows his eyes at him, before sighing, “Why do you want to know?”

“Why are you so embarrassed?” Donghyuck laughs, “Just tell me.”

“Fine, it was you!” Donghyuck looks so happy with the admission, Jaemin wants to kill him. “I wasn’t thinking about fucking anyone else considering how hung up I was over you.”

Donghyuck softens, “I love you. I was pretty hung up over you too.”

Jaemin stills at that, “You looked pretty happy with Renjun at first. You looked pretty happy in general without me.”

Donghyuck smiles, “That’s because Renjun is my ex-boyfriend. We dated before I went into the military, when I was still in med school.”

Jaemin doesn’t know what to feel about that. He feels a little bit vindicated knowing that he wasn’t jealous over nothing, that there was something there. Even now that he knows it’s Jisung who Renjun is interested in now, he can’t help but think--

“No need to be jealous of Renjun or anybody else,” Donghyuck says, brushing the hair out of Jaemin’s eyes. “That relationship was over way before we even met. And to your previous statement, I wasn’t happy for a while. Our break up came out of nowhere. Jaemin, I introduced you to my parents. You were the only boyfriend I had ever formally introduced to my parents.”

“Hyuck…” Jaemin swallows. That meeting had not gone well. It opened up every insecurity he ever had and ruined everything for him. “My mom misses you. Kept asking where you were and how you were doing.”

Donghyuck smiles at that, “I miss her too. Let’s go visit her after this assignment.”

Jaemin nods, feeling his heart constrict. He kisses Donghyuck again, afraid that if they kept talking, he’d get choked up and spill everything. What is it about the night that makes him so honest and so open? What is it about Donghyuck, and his long, crooked fingers that crack him open, ready to spill the truth?

The thought drives him crazy and it only makes him kiss Donghyuck harder, his hands moving quickly to unbutton Donghyuck’s shirt. Jaemin moans when he sees his honey skin, smooth and dotted with moles, ready for Jaemin’s mouth.

He peppers kisses down his throat, all the way down to his chest, and Jaemin almost mourns the fact that he’s got to get up from his place on Donghyuck’s lap, if not for the hungry way Donghyuck looks at him, as he gets on his knees.

“Shit,” Donghyuck groans when Jaemin reaches for his pants, “I’m gonna cum in like five seconds.”

“Oh?” Jaemin sighs, pulling down Donghyuck’s pants and then pressing his mouth against his cloth covered cock, “I’m not even going to ask when was the last time anybody sucked you off.”  
  
“Why not?” Donghyuck breathes out, completely overwhelmed.

Jaemin pulls his boxers down and Donghyuck can’t help but moan when Jaemin wraps his hand around the base of his cock. “It doesn’t matter who sucked you off last.”

Jaemin watches as he strokes his cock, mouth watering. God, he can’t wait to put him in his mouth. He looks into Donghyuck’s eyes, “It doesn’t matter because after I’m done with you, I’m the only one you’ll want.”

And then he takes Donghyuck in his mouth, tongue swirling around the head, where Donghyuck was dripping precum. Donghyuck’s hand flutters from his shoulder to his cheek to his hair, hips twitching, wanting to fuck into the hot heat of Jaemin’s mouth.

Donghyuck wants to close his eyes, but he can’t look away. Jaemin takes him in so well. Lips so pink and slick with spit, so pretty wrapped around his cock. Jaemin hums around his cock, closes his eyes and makes a good show of enjoying it. He pulls off, licking his lips, his hand pumping away, thumb playing with the tip.

“You okay, baby?” Jaemin coos, and it’s so nasty, the way it’s been months, and he still knows how to drive Donghyuck crazy. The whole world could be ending right now, and all he cares about is for Jaemin to swallow him whole.

Donghyuck pants, “I want to come so bad, want your mouth, please, please--”

Jaemin leans over and just when Donghyuck thinks he’s going to use his mouth again, Jaemin slyly kisses his thigh instead. “You want my mouth here?”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “On my dick, god, Jaemin, you know I am not above begging.”

“I don’t know if I understand, what did you want me to do?” Jaemin asks, coy and Donghyuck feels strung out.

“Na Jaemin, please, pretty please, suck my dick,” Donghyuck begs, and Jaemin, well, he really could never say no.

Jaemin peppers kisses on Donghyuck’s cock, starting from the base, slowly, and then presses a delicate kiss on the tip of his cock. He goes back down and licks a stripe, over and over, and then finally, finally, Jaemin took him in his mouth and slid down until he held all of it in his mouth. Donghyuck moans Jaemin’s name over and over, and it sounds so sweet and filthy and right. Jaemin sucks eagerly and moves his hand to cover whatever his mouth can’t reach.

Donghyuck weakly grasps at his hair, and Jaemin looks up and sees him wrecked, with his shirt unbuttoned, love bites around his neck, and his other hand playing with his nipples. “Jaemin,” he pants, “I think I’m gonna come.”

Instead of pulling off, Jaemin continues sucking and when Donghyuck lets out a high-pitched whine, he eagerly swallows his load, his hand continuously pumping to milk his cock dry. Donghyuck pushes him off, before pulling him up and pushing him to lie down on the couch and kiss him.

Donghyuck is panting into Jaemin’s mouth, as he unbuttons Jaemin’s pants. Jaemin nearly sighs in relief when Donghyuck takes his cock out and starts stroking him. “I missed this,” Donghyuck begins, voice deep and low and so so fucked out, “I can tell you missed it too. You love it, don’t you? Love having me in your mouth, look at you, you’re so hard and dripping just from sucking me off.”

Jaemin moans and thrusts up into Donghyuck’s fist. Donghyuck continues, leisurely stroking him, “I wish we were back home, in your apartment. Where nobody could walk in at any moment and I have all the time in the world to open you up with my tongue. Wouldn’t you like that too?”

Jaemin nods, desperate, incredibly hot from Donghyuck’s words, but Donghyuck doesn’t go any faster, “Are you gonna come like this? I think you can. Don’t shake your head, I know you can come like this, with just my hand slowly stroking you.”

“Hyuckie, I can’t,” Jaemin cries, frustrated, “Go faster, please.”

“Sweetheart, do you remember when we had sex for the first time?” Donghyuck says, wistful, “I think about it all the time. You were so perfect, so good, and so, so tight. I bet you’re so tight right now. But I would open you up and prep you so well, that I would just slide right in. I miss it so much, I didn’t even bother fucking anyone else, because no one else would feel as good as you around me.”

Jaemin feels himself slowly tip over the edge, pressure building, and he joins Donghyuck’s hand on his cock and guides it up and down, faster, tighter, just the way he likes it.

Donghyuck pushes Jaemin’s hand away and strokes him tight and fast, “Come for me, baby.” And watches as Jaemin shivers, body spasming as his cock shoots come in between their bodies. When Jaemin is spent, Donghyuck licks his hand and Jaemin groans, “God, I’ve forgotten how filthy you are.”

Donghyuck laughs, getting up and trying to find a towel to clean him off with. Donghyuck comes back and wipes him clean, before pulling him into a sweet kiss. “Love you.”

Jaemin sighs, smiling into the kiss. He can worry about everything else tomorrow.

\--

_In retrospect, leaving Donghyuck is both the hardest and stupidest thing he’s ever done. He doesn’t know why but he chooses a Tuesday to do it. Well, he had wanted to do it on a Friday, so he could have the whole weekend to wallow in it. But he’d been unable to do it when Donghyuck had looked so bright and happy. He couldn’t do it on Saturday either, because Jeno had decided to come over and hang out with them. And he had decided Sunday was just not the day._

_Tuesday came and he decided that it was going to be awful no matter what. By then, Donghyuck had noticed that something was going on with him and was becoming increasingly concerned. That Tuesday night, Donghyuck had turned to him on their couch (technically his couch, but Donghyuck practically lived in his apartment), and had taken a hold of Jaemin’s hands, “Sweetheart, is everything okay with you?”_

_Jaemin bit his lip, shaking his head, and Donghyuck looked troubled at his response, one hand reaching out to caress Jaemin’s cheek. It hurts to pull away, and it hurts even more to see the hurt painted on Donghyuck’s face, knowing he put it there._

_“I,” Jaemin breathes, “I think we should break up.”_

_“Why?” Donghyuck asks, jaw clenched. “So suddenly?”_

_“It’s not sudden, I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” Jaemin lies, “I just don’t feel the same way as I used to. And it’s not fair of me to keep leading you on.”_

_Donghyuck laughs, but it’s a sound so bitter it aches to hear, “You were a lot of things, Jaemin, but you’re not a liar.”_

_Suddenly, almost desperately, Donghyuck surges forward to kiss Jaemin, and Jaemin makes the mistake of kissing back, before pulling away, covering his mouth with his lips. “You still love me...you can’t fool me. Why don’t you tell me the real reason why you’re trying to break up with me?”_

_Jaemin wishes this was easier, but there’s no easy way to let someone you don’t want to let go go. “We’re not right for each other, and you know it. What are we doing here, Donghyuck? You, you’re going to go to higher places, and I don’t want to hold you back. I just can’t see how long we’re going to last like this. What’s the point?”_

_That seems to affect Donghyuck more, each word like a knife to the heart, “You can’t picture us lasting? We’re not right for each other? Jaemin, what the fuck? I love you. I love you so much. What are you saying?”_

_Jaemin just shrugs and wishes Donghyuck would just go. He feels numb._

_Donghyuck sniffles, and Jaemin looks on, horrified, “I don’t get it. You said that the only place you felt like you belong in was by my side. You told me you loved me. Why are we breaking up? Why are you hurting me?” The first tear rolls down the side of his face, and then they don’t stop coming._

_He doesn’t know how to comfort him, he wants to hug him. He wants to take the words back. Say, ha, ha just kidding and kiss him. He wants to say I love you back. But the damage is done. “I’ll call you a cab. Go home. Or I’ll leave. You can stay here and grab your stuff. I won’t come back until you leave.”_

_Jaemin moves to stand up, but Donghyuck grabs his waist, wraps his arms around him, and sobs, “Jaemin, please. Don’t do this. Don’t leave me. Jaemin, I love you. Jaem.”_

_Jaemin struggles out of his grasp and swallows the hurt, he pockets his phone and his wallet and moves towards the door. This time, Donghyuck doesn’t follow him, makes no move to stop him. Stupid Jaemin and his stupid heart looks back before he closes the door behind him. The last image he sees is Donghyuck crying on the couch._

_\--_

_He comes back days later, and every trace of Donghyuck is gone from his apartment. Gone are his house slippers, his toothbrush, his warmth on Jaemin’s bed. The wet spot of tears on the couch is gone, almost as if it didn’t happen. Donghyuck had called him multiple times in the days following their break up. But he didn’t answer. After a while, he guesses that he just gave up._

_This is good, Jaemin thinks, as he slowly lies on his bed, rests his head on his pillow. There’s more space in his drawer now, and nobody will hog the sheets when it gets cold. Now, Jaemin can roll around his bed, because there’s more space now too. In his chest, there’s more space too, a little hollow area where his heart used to be. Jaemin presses his hand against his chest, wills the pain to stop. Enough, he thinks, enough of this._

\--

They kick Renjun out of his room and fall into bed easily. Renjun doesn’t even make a fuss, all it takes is one look at their swollen mouths and messy hair, and he immediately leaves, heading straight to Jaemin’s shared room with Jisung.

Donghyuck takes off his shoes and settles in his bed, scooching so that his back is pressed against the wall bracketing one side of his bed. Jaemin crawls after him, and he wants to be held, wants Donghyuck’s arms around him, but he doesn’t know how to ask.

Turns out he doesn’t need to, Donghyuck turns him around himself, and positions him, so that his back is pressed against Donghyuck’s chest, an arm wrapped around his waist, with Donghyuck’s lips pressed against his nape.

“Donghyuck,” Jaemin sighs out, “Your father is going to kill me.”

Donghyuck snorts, already sleepy, “I know. I already know everything okay. I’ll handle everything. All you need to do is keep loving me.”

Jaemin turns around in his arms, with furrowed brows. “What do you mean you knew?”

Donghyuck opens one eye and closes it, but when Jaemin shakes him, he sighs, “Dude, it’s not rocket science, you were all happy and okay until we visited my father. And...I overheard your conversation. Why do you think I begged you to not leave me? I knew somebody was making you leave me. I hated you for a while for following his wishes. And then I hated him for asking you to. I haven’t seen him in months.”

“Donghyuck, I don’t want to ruin the only relationship you have with your parents,” Jaemin starts but Donghyuck shakes his head.

“My father was in the wrong, and I can’t stand for that. I can’t let you go either. I’ll speak to him soon, but I couldn’t do it until I had you back.”

Jaemin is overcome with emotion. He didn’t realize Donghyuck had known. Would it have changed anything, though, if he knew?

Donghyuck’s smile is kind, and his eyes are full of love, “All you need to know is that I’ll protect you. Go to sleep, sweetheart. We’ll figure everything out in the morning.”

For once, Jaemin gives up the fight. It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep in Donghyuck’s arms. It feels like home.

\--

The military teaches obedience and order like no other, and Jaemin wonders what it would be like if he and Donghyuck had met at an office. They’d catch each other’s eyes during meetings, he’d leave cute sticky notes on his cubicle, and they’d rendezvous at an empty stairwell to make out once. The biggest thing they’d worry about was finishing paperwork or the upcoming monthly close. But here in the military, in this current mission, there are way higher stakes than that, and Jaemin cannot afford to think about Donghyuck’s mouth.

General Lee’s deep sigh brings him back to earth; his disappointment in them grounding them. “This threat is more serious than I thought. It’s time to double up our efforts.”

Mark, who’s seated closest to the general, nods tightly, “I agree, Sir. Further, I think we need to also go on the offensive. Have we gotten any confirmation from our Intelligence unit on who is behind the attack?”

General Lee nods, opening his folder and passing it to Mark, “Their research shows that it could possibly be the rising guerilla force in the country looking to make a statement by killing the son of the Chairman.”

“From what we know of the guerilla forces in this country though, it doesn’t seem to be aligned with what we’re seeing. Say that the two recent life-threatening incidents are connected, and they likely are, these aren’t typical guerilla tactics.”

“One utilizes the idea of bio-weaponry, and the other is a sneaky assassination attempt. It’s still highly likely it’s them given the motivation and a change of tactics only mean we have to respond and prepare against them differently.” General Lee takes back the folder and closes it, “Obviously, don’t eliminate other possible reasons, Captain. However, I’d urge you to work with First Lieutenant Lee Donghyuck to alert and possibly train our doctors to be more watchful given the tactics being used. They’re already set to leave, but in the meantime, let’s not eliminate the possibility that something will happen.”

Mark nods, and then General Lee turns to the rest of the room and nods too, in dismissal.

Jaemin straightens his back, stands up with the rest of their team, and salutes as the general walks out of the room. The minute he’s out a collective sigh is breathed out, Mark smiles at them tiredly, “I guess this mission isn’t as easy as I promised, huh?”

Jeno, closest to him, pats him on the back, “No such thing as an easy mission, hyung.”

\--

“I can’t believe I can finally escape you, Lee Donghyuck,” Renjun says, taking stock of the medicine in the supply room. “I was getting kind of sick of looking at you every day.”

“Who wants to hang out with you either?” Donghyuck fires back, kicking a stack of boxes pettily, making it fall down to the side and spilling its contents.

Renjun stares in disbelief at the mess he made and moves to grab him, putting him in a headlock. This is how Jaemin finds them, slapping each other like children. Jaemin doesn’t know whether to laugh or be concerned.

He clears his throat instead, not wanting to be part of whatever was going on. Donghyuck turns his head and notices him first, quickly dropping Renjun and pushing him away. “Jaem!” Donghyuck says, cheerfully, as if he wasn’t acting like a hooligan moments ago, and goes to hug Jaemin.

He feels a bit sorry for Renjun, who grumbles about ‘stupid love-sick fools,’ but he’s easily pulled from the thought by Donghyuck’s arms, even lets Donghyuck land a smooch to his cheek. Jaemin smiles, “Why were you and Renjun fighting? Was he being mean again?”

Donghyuck plays along, pouting and nodding his head, “He was calling me names and beating me up. He is just the devil incarnate--”

“I fucking hate you both!” Renjun throws a box of cotton gauze at them, and they dodge it laughing, without letting each other go. “Jisung is the only person worth missing in this goddamn place.”

Donghyuck sticks his tongue out in reply and Renjun throws another box at him, but this time he doesn’t dodge quick enough and hits him right in the face. Donghyuck yelps, and Jaemin can’t help but laugh at him too. Donghyuck gasps at him, “Don’t laugh at me! I’m being assaulted and you’re just standing there.”

But it just makes Jaemin laugh harder, Donghyuck bites back a smile and continues harping on Renjun, “What if you had broken my beautiful nose? Thank god, it’s insured.”

Jaemin calms down enough to help Renjun pick up the supplies on the floor and Renjun sighs, “Your boyfriend is so useless.”

Donghyuck scoffs from where he’s inspecting his red nose, and Jaemin just shrugs, “You’re the one who dated him first.”

It’s an answer that births chaos: it has Renjun bursting into laughter and Donghyuck noisily coming over to them and complaining about them ganging up on him.

\--

Ever since the threat on Chenle’s life, the doctors had stopped providing medical services to the surrounding area. They’re set to leave in a couple of days, earlier if the Chairman had his say in it, and he did, but his own son had waved his concerns away and said, “I am not a coward. Let me say goodbye to the children on my own time. This is my mission and I can’t leave like a coward.”

General Lee had been asked to deliver this message to the Chairman and his mouth had been a displeased line. “Chenle, I urge you to reconsider this. Your safety is our team’s top priority and I can’t possibly disobey your father’s direct orders.”

Chenle snorts, “Hyung, you’re just passing on a message. Just direct the old man to me.” And then he walked out. Jaemin had never seen General Lee look so confused, and he’d never seen anyone blatantly brush off the General’s words. That’s the kind of thing you can do when you’re a Nobel Prize winner, the leader of one of the most renowned team of doctors in the world, and the son of one of the most important men in the world, Jaemin surmises.

The General releases a frustrated sigh and turns to the rest of his team in the room, “Just make sure nothing happens to him. China will have our heads if we don’t deliver him back perfectly unscratched.”

\--

Jaemin would feel terribly bad about kicking Renjun out of his shared room with Donghyuck, if he wasn’t so sure that Renjun was off with his precious roommate. They sleep together almost every night now. It’s like the past few months away from each other had made him so touch-starved, but only Donghyuck’s touch would ease the craving.

At first, it was only Jeno and Renjun who knew. But it was a small compound, and while it was technically forbidden for two soldiers in the same unit to be involved with each other, their team didn’t particularly care. And the rest of the soldiers were just excited to hear the latest gossip. Jaemin tried hard to not act differently during meal times, patrols, and training, and Donghyuck respects his wishes on maintaining a professional front. But it’s hard when he’s just so damn happy to have Donghyuck back in his life, and when Donghyuck looks at him with heart eyes and a soft smile, and he’s got warm hands that Jaemin can’t help but hold.

And in the middle of the night, Jaemin can’t really be expected to keep his hands off Donghyuck, can he? Especially here, in Donghyuck’s bed, as they’re both lying on their sides, facing each other like two parentheses curved and the space between them holds all the words left unsaid.

“What are you thinking about?” Donghyuck asks, eyes drooping and voice soft.

Jaemin reaches over to stroke his cheek, a fond smile on his face, “You.”

Donghyuck groans turning away from Jaemin’s hand, but his ears are red and Jaemin knows he likes it, despite what he says, “What am I gonna do with you? All you do is flirt with me.”

“I’m not even trying to flirt with you,” Jaemin protests, “I’m just being honest. I can’t help that my mind is full of you.”

“Stop it, I’m blushing,” Donghyuck pushes his hand against Jaemin’s chest.

“I’m serious, babe,” Jaemin takes hold of Donghyuck’s wrist and moves closer to curl up against Donghyuck. “I feel like we’ve so much to make up for. And I wish we weren’t here right now. I want to be home. With you.”

Donghyuck presses a kiss to the top of his head and hugs him, “This mission is almost done. Just catch the bad guys and then we can go home. We have time to make everything all up.”

“I just have a bad feeling about this,” Jaemin murmurs, “Like it’s impossible for me to be happy like this--”

“Nonsense. Who taught you to feel like you don’t deserve something good?” Jaemin bites his lip, unable to answer the question, but Donghyuck doesn’t expect one. “What we have is good. We’re the kind of good that lasts.”

Donghyuck has this distinct ability of making the world bend to his words. Jaemin wants that ability, wants that air of certainty, but Jaemin is a realist and he worries and worries and worries.

“I can hear your mind running in circles,” Donghyuck sits up, just so he can see Jaemin as he says the following words, “You’ve always been terribly bad at being comforted. I’ve followed you all the way here, and you think you can get rid of me?”

When Jaemin doesn’t laugh at the joke, Donghyuck sighs, cupping Jaemin’s cheeks with both hands, “Sweetheart, look at me.”

“Hyuck,” Jaemin whispers, touching the hand on his cheek.

“Whatever happens, you won’t lose this.” Donghyuck emphasizes with a kiss, and Jaemin’s eyes flutter shut. “You love me, and I love you. It’s as simple as that.”

\--

They wake up to incessant banging on the door. Jaemin burrows his head further into the pillow, trying to ignore the loud noise that’s trying to pull him away from sleep. When the banging doesn’t stop, he elbows Donghyuck, who’s spooning him. “Hyuck, tell whoever that is to stop,” he whines.

“Why don’t you do it?” Donghyuck groans, but it’s offset by the way his hands tighten around Jaemin’s waist.

Jaemin shakes his head, pushing Donghyuck’s hands off him in a bid to get him to get up. “It’s probably for you anyway, since this is your room.”

“Fine, fine,” Donghyuck grumbles, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He climbs over Jaemin to get out of bed, while Jaemin rolls over to Donghyuck’s side of the bed, greedy for the lingering warmth of his body.

When Donghyuck opens the door, he’s greeted by the sight of a distraught Jeno, “Jeno, what’s wrong?”

“Hyuck,” Jeno is out of breath, looking like he ran, “I can’t find Chenle. He’s missing.”

\--

“Start from the beginning,” Mark demands, while Donghyuck lays a comforting hand on Jeno’s shoulder.

“Chenle and I had planned to go visit the seaside, as he’d mentioned that he wanted to see it up close one last time before he left. So we made plans to meet and watch the sunrise together, but he didn’t show up. I waited for 20 minutes and thought, maybe he just slept in. So I walked over to his quarters and knocked on his door, but nobody answered. And then I twisted the knob and belatedly realized that the knob was broken and the door easily swung open. His room was a mess, his sheets unmade, and his phone was left behind.”

Jeno’s hands tighten into fists and he continues, talking and reliving the panic he felt, “I thought maybe he was just in the bathroom, but I searched there and he wasn’t there either. And then it finally sunk in that something bad might have happened to him. That somebody took him.”

They stand outside that very room, but despite the mess that was left after Chenle’s disappearance, the persons who took him did it very cleanly. There was little to no evidence left behind. They all searched the room to no avail, and frustrations start to rise.

“Where could he be?” Jeno mutters to himself, clearly distraught, “Who could have taken him?”

Donghyuck goes over to him, “Jeno, you don’t have to be a part of this. If this is too much for you--”

“I can’t just sit still, Donghyuck,” Jeno pushes him away, “He might be already dead for all we know.”

His words do nothing to alleviate the rising tension in the room. It doesn’t help that Chenle was supposed to leave that day. This close to his departure and given the circumstances, Jaemin doesn’t think it’s just the anti-militant forces who’s behind this. There has to be someone from the inside who’s helping them.

He voices this to the room, connecting the dots. To Mark, he says, “We should check who in the compound is not here. There has to be someone within our team who’s been aiding them along. Tell Yukhei to gather everyone in the main hall.”

\--

The main hall fills up, each supervising member counting their team and ensuring that everyone is complete. The doctors look on anxiously, worried for their beloved doctor’s safety. It’s not right, Jaemin thinks, someone as kind as Chenle, who is so loved, should not have to go through this.

Yangyang hands Mark a microphone and quickly captures everyone’s attention. “Everyone, I do not mean to alarm you. But we are in a dire situation right now. And we need your utmost cooperation to ensure that this information does not leak outside. What we do not need is to give these wrongdoers attention. But what you have heard is true: Zhong Chenle has been kidnapped.”

The soldiers erupt in hushed whispers, but Mark continues on, “The circumstances are simple. He was taken from his room. The people patrolling did not see anything suspicious. What does this indicate? That someone from our side is either behind this or helping the outside out. I implore you all to think back on your interactions with your comrades. Is there anyone who should be here missing? Who was acting suspiciously?”

A pregnant pause silence falls over the room, stretching over uncomfortably. Until one hand raises, and Mark quickly addresses him, “Yes, you may speak up.”

“Captain Lee, I do not mean to point fingers, but one of our teammates routinely goes out to town and he’s not here right now either. He always goes by himself and he’s always vague when we ask him where he goes or what he sees.”

Yukhei pales, “Who is it?”

“Kang Mingyu, sir.”

Mark and Yukhei exchanged confused looks. There was someone on camp named Kang Mingyu? If there was, Jaemin had never even talked to him. After a moment of confusion, Kun stands up abruptly, “I know him!”

Renjun grabs his arm in alarm, “Kun-ge, you know that guy?”

“You know him too, Renjun,” Kun insists, “He’s the one that we thought had a crush on Chenle, because he always hung around the med lab, even when he wasn’t feeling anything.”

Donghyuck gasps, “That skinny little brat?”

“Okay, he was a little weird and we’ve noted that he liked to take trips to town. That doesn’t prove anything.”

The soldier who had originally pointed Kang Mingyu out raised his hand again, “We share a room, and I remember him being gone the night of that assassination attempt. He was also in town the day that Uruk kid came here and brought the virus. I remember asking him if he had seen any of the villagers sick and was worried he might have caught it outside.”

Mark nods at the soldier, meanwhile he dispatches Yangyang and Yukhei, “Yangyang, help search Kang Mingyu’s room for clues. Yukhei, contact Guanheng. Have him run the CCTV reports for all of this guy’s activities. Run a fucking background check.”

Mark storms into his office and Jaemin and Donghyuck exchange a look and follow him. They see Mark, pacing in his office, hair sticking up in different angles. “Hyung,” Jaemin calls out, but Donghyuck puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Mark, calm down,” Donghyuck says, taking a seat. “It’s the worst thing, but all we can do is wait. Trust your team. Once we have more information, we can act accordingly.”

“God, Hyuck, I just can’t live with myself if something were to happen to him. We should’ve guarded him better. We should’ve been adamant about him leaving when his father asked him.”

“Look, there’s no time for regrets,” Donghyuck says, reaching for Mark’s hand, “How could you have known? And it’s as much as Chenle’s fault. He should have left when we told him to. He knew the risks and stayed anyway.”

“We have to get him back,” Mark says with conviction. “This isn’t right.”

They wait and they wait, because that’s all they can really do. It feels like hours before Yangyang comes running back to his office, out of breath and panting, “Mark, I think we know where he is.”

“Chenle?”

Yangyang shakes his head, “No, Kang Mingyu. Yukhei caught him on camera, he had been hiding in one of the cells and was waiting for nightfall to escape.”

“Hiding where we would never check to look. Take me to him.”

\--

Kang Mingyu barely looks like a man. He looked like he just became an adult yesterday. He didn’t look mean or had bad intentions. But in this line of job, Jaemin knew a face couldn’t be trusted.

Interrogation was something he could barely stomach. He was good at extracting information, but it was only because of the Good Cop, Bad Cop routine that they play. He was the Good Cop, mouth filled with empty promises of safety, of reward, if he could just let him know where their good friend is. We will make sure no harm will come to you after this, he would say sweetly, kindly, often to a bruised face, stained with blood and barely coherent.

But this time, he gets to be there for the Bad Cop routine. Mark is precise, quick, and incredibly good at what he does. Jaemin watches him work, detached, like it’s a scene from a movie and not happening before his eyes. Mark turns to him with a nod, bloodied towel in his hand. Jaemin understands that it’s his turn now, the baton being passed.

“Hi,” Jaemin says, giving the boy a small smile. “You ready to talk?”

Kang Mingyu nods, and Jaemin inwardly grimaces at the blood oozing out of his lip. “Good boy. Do you know where Zhong Chenle is?”

Kang Mingyu shakes his head and behind him, Mark’s face twists with frustration. Jaemin doesn’t mind him, information can’t be extracted with brute force after all. “You don’t know or you won’t say?”

“I, I don’t know,” Kang Mingyu whimpers out.

Jaemin nods, taking a towel and dabbing the boy’s face to clean him up, “Do you know who took him?”

Kang Mingyu hesitates, and Jaemin presses the towel a little hard on his broken nose, “Y-yes, I do.”

“Do you want to tell me who it is?” Jaemin asks.

Kang Mingyu shakes his head, “I-I can’t, they’ll kill me.”

“And you think these men won’t?” Jaemin says, gesturing to the men around the room. “You know who Zhong Chenle is, right? You know who his father is right? If you tell us where he is, we can consider pardon. But if you don’t and he dies, we’ll have to forcibly turn you into the Chinese government’s hands. You’ve heard what they do, right?”

Kang Mingyu trembles.

Jaemin looks at the boy with pity, but they’re running out of time, “The choice is easy when you think about it like that, right?”

Jaemin asks again, “who has him?”

\--

“Who the fuck is Arthur?”

They’ve got Guanheng up on the screen, connected through video call, and he sighs, “More like what is Arthur. If you know the Legend of Arthur, it’s kind of like a chosen one kind of situation. Like the legend, King Arthur is supposed to unite and save the kingdom by being the chosen one.”

“Is that the one with the sword in the stone and only the worthy can lift it, like Thor’s hammer?”

Guanheng grimaces, “Loosely. The point is the group is called the Arthur Project. The anti-militant group is composed by a variety of people, ranging from intellectuals to simple working-class people. Their goal is to free Uruk from foreign influence and eventually make the country independent.”

“That’s an admirable goal.”

“Yes, unfortunately, it seems that Zhong Chenle plays a big part in their plans of getting rid of South Korean and Chinese forces from Uruk.”

Jaemin puts two and two together, “Are they trying to pin the blame on us for this? That doesn’t even make sense, since we’re not the ones holding the kid hostage. We’re not the one who’s made threats.”

Mark clenches his fist, “Yeah, but we’re the one who has lost him. Given Chenle’s popularity internationally and in China, they’ll focus on our incompetence. We’ll lose face. The Chinese-South Korean friendship we’ve worked hard to build has always been shaky and this will ruin it.”

Yukhei cuts in, “Before we go down this path, I think we should focus on what we can do. We’re not politicians. so leave all that shit for the politicians. We’re just soldiers. Guanheng, do we have an idea of where he is?”

“Yes,” Guanheng smiles on the screen, and he pulls up images of a plain looking building, at the edge of the city. “This is their meeting place. Several members of the group have been photographed to be entering this building. We highly suspect this is where they’re keeping him.”

Jeno breathes shakily from Donghyuck’s side and asks the question nobody wants to ask, “How do you know they haven’t killed him yet?”

“I don’t,” Guanheng answers and it makes the atmosphere gloomier in the room. “But logically, think of Zhong Chenle’s background. Think of the knowledge he must know. Or at least the knowledge they think he must know. If I were them, I would want to extract as much as I could from the kid before they kill him.”

“He’s more stubborn than he looks,” Donghyuck says, “We have time. We can get him.”

Mark nods, and they all turn to him, waiting for orders. Slowly, he starts, “Essentially, we’ve pinpointed the group who took him, thanks to Kang Mingyu. But in terms of where, this is our best bet. His status is unknown. Are these men heavily armed?”

Guanheng nods, “It’s highly likely, but since this house technically belongs to a civilian party of the group, we don’t necessarily think there will be a lot guarding the building. We’d like to avoid any deaths, as we are still considered on a peacekeeping effort.”

“Heavily armed, but we want to avoid any deaths? That sounds impossible.” Donghyuck argues, but Mark raises his hand.

“We can certainly try. The problem is we are hiding the fact that Chenle has been kidnapped. Therefore, if any casualties do happen, nobody can know it was us. You’ll be reported as an unknown death and nobody will ever know what you died for. Do you all understand?”

That’s a tough pill to swallow. Mark sighs and looks at them, “I’ll give you all a choice. I will only take those that are willing to go with me.”

It’s silent for a while, before Yukhei raises his hand, “Captain, you know I’m with you till the end.”

Yangyang smiles, although there’s no joy in it, raising his hand too, “Same here. I like that little guy. And I knew what I signed up for.”

After that, Jeno raises his hand too, “I understand if you won’t let me go, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I could do something to save him and I didn’t go.”

Meanwhile, Jaemin weighs the odds. This is far from what he’s ever imagined himself doing when he first joined. An international conspiracy? That’s way above his pay grade. But he thinks of Chenle’s bright smile, innocent and sweet, and his kindness, his bravery, and his wit, and Jaemin thinks that’s worth saving. So, Jaemin raises his hand too and ignores Donghyuck’s hiss, “I’ll go too, Captain. I’ll watch your back.”

Mark smiles for the first time, his smile speaking of relief, “Wouldn’t know what to do without you, Sergeant.”

Jisung stays quiet and everyone is equally relieved for that.

However, or finally, Donghyuck volunteers too, “I’ll go. Count me in--”

But Mark cuts him off, “No, you cannot go.”

“Why? What the fuck?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t already know. Without me, you’re the highest officer in this compound right now. I need you to lead without me. I need someone I can trust to hold the fort.”

Donghyuck looks torn, looking between Jaemin and Mark, until he sighs, straightening his back, “Okay, I understand.”

Duty is duty, after all.

\--

"Donghyuck, I-"

"Shut up," Donghyuck glares, putting a hand in between them. "Don't you fucking dare say goodbye to me."

Jaemin doesn't know what to say then. This fiery Donghyuck that's teetering on the edge of grief, who is holding on so tight to his anger lest the sadness take over. Jaemin clenches his fist, lowering his arms to his side.

Donghyuck sniffs, tilting his head up and blinking the tears before they start running down, "I feel like I just got you back. You have to come back. There's so much for us to do…"

"I won't make promises I can't keep," Jaemin says, unwavering. "The house by the beach, dinners with my mom on Saturdays, waking up next to you every morning, I want it all, I want it so bad."

This time, Jaemin doesn't even have to try, Donghyuck throws his arms around Jaemin, hugging him tight, "You stupid fool. How dare you volunteer for this suicide mission... when will you learn that you don't have to be a hero to prove yourself?"

At the end of the day, that's what it boils down to, isn't it? Glory, the weight of a name, pride like a red cape that's heavy like gold over his shoulders. To hold Donghyuck's hand in front of his father and not feel small. To stop being the child drowning in clothes too big for his frame.

Yet, what has the pursuit of glory brought him to? Where has being a martyr land him? The past few months without Donghyuck, and a gap between he and his friends, had only brought him emptiness.

"Save our friend," Donghyuck whispers to his neck, and then he pulls away and Jaemin's heart aches at his red nose and watery eyes. "But don't be a hero. What good is a dead hero? Save Chenle and then come back to me."

Jaemin looks at him, beseechingly, but Donghyuck doesn't say anything else. Jaemin closes his eyes and breathes. He feels the lightest of pressures on his lips.

When he opens his eyes, he can only call the expression on Donghyuck's face as tender.

Jaemin exhales, steeling himself. He pulls away the tiniest bit to pull a box from his pocket. He hears Donghyuck take a sharp inhale, "I thought I lost that."

Jaemin looks at the box with a sad smile, "No, I found it right before we broke up and it was selfish of me, but I had wanted to keep it all to myself. You bought it for me, right? It's mine."

Donghyuck's brow furrows as he watches Jaemin caress the velvet exterior of the box, "Well, that was the intention, but I never even got to ask…"

"I let go of you, but the thought of you giving this ring to anybody else, I hated it so much. But I'm returning it to you now," Jaemin says, with finality, handing the box over.

"I-I," Donghyuck stutters, refusing the box.

But Jaemin gently takes his hand and places the box on his palm, "If I come back, I want you to ask me. Fuck everything, if I come back, my answer to your question will always be yes."

Donghyuck makes a sound like he's been shot, wounded. But he takes it and nods. "Okay," he says, voice small.

"Jaemin?" Followed by a knock on the door has them both pulling away. "It's time."

"Go," Donghyuck says, gesturing to the door.

Jaemin nods, and then before he can convince himself not to, he presses a rough kiss to Donghyuck's mouth and then leaves.

\--

The ride to the target location is quiet. Nobody speaks and Jaemin sincerely wishes that Donghyuck was here to lighten the mood.

In his time here at Uruk, he didn’t really spend much time outside the compound. He had always been a homebody back home and being in a foreign country didn’t change that. But now, finally seeing Uruk through the windows of their black van, he wishes he had explored more. He wished he could go back to the beginning.

Beside him, Jeno touches his hand, “Hyuck told me to make sure you come home.”

Jaemin lets out a smile to that, “He’s relentless. He didn’t tell me the same for you.”

“That’s what I told him! He didn’t even tell me he’ll miss me if I’m gone,” Jeno says, shaking his head. “Although, I told him that he has custody of Bongshik if anything were to happen to me, and he got super angry saying I have to take care of my stupid cat.”

“I think that means you’re not allowed to die,” Jaemin jokes, but it’s hollow.

“Guys,” Mark calls out from the front, “Enough. Some of us are single.”

Just like that, they all laugh and their hearts are a tiny bit lighter. But the moment passes easily, because before they know it, the car slows to a stop and the mission has started.

\--

They enter through the back, managing to incapacitate and knock the two men guarding unconscious. Mark leads the charge inside, but they advance slowly and quietly. There’s a bunch of men, sitting on the table with glasses of what looks to be whiskey and their guns.

They have the advantage here, these men with body slowed down by the alcohol in their blood. Mark gives them a signal and begins to count down from 5. When his fingers are a fist, Jaemin moves to his target, taking from his pocket a cloth to muffle sound with. The guy doesn’t know what hit him. Jaemin grabs him by the neck, arms choking the guy, and then his other hand moves to cover the guy’s mouth with the cloth. It takes a minute or two of the guy struggling but he eventually falls unconscious.

The five of them stick together, backs pressed against one another, with their guns out, until they get to the stairs.

Mark is reluctant to have them separate out, but gives them a floor each to scan. “When your floor is clear, report back immediately. If you find Chenle, do not engage alone.”

Jaemin gets the basement and it’s like walking down to a circle of hell. It’s hot as hell and it’s dark as fuck. He climbs down, carefully, sticking close to the wall.

Once he gets to the bottom of the stairs, he finds Chenle, half-awake, bruised and looking the worst he’s ever seen him look. Chenle barely recognizes him or maybe doesn’t expect to see him here, of all places, because it takes a while to register that it’s Jaemin in front of him.

Jaemin moves to help him up, but Chenle shakes his head intensely and the noise of it is heard by someone else in the room---

Jaemin pulls his gun and aims to shoot, but the other guy is faster, aiming a gun at Chenle’s head. “Ah, I would be careful if I were you. You can shoot me, but you risk losing his life in the process.”

He gets a good look at the guy holding Chenle, and he’s not who you’d think would be guarding such an important hostage. The heaviest thing this guy has probably carried in his life is a book. Jaemin think, racks his head for what he should do. He shouldn’t have gone off alone, this would be better if he was with anyone of the other four. This man looks crazed, his eyes are red, and his hands are shaking, and then Jaemin remembers the briefing that Guanheng had, that this was a civilian’s home. Jaemin wonders if this was the owner and tries to appeal to him, “It doesn’t have to be that way. I won’t shoot if you don’t.”

“Ha!” The guy laughs, but his eyes are filled with tears, “It’s too late for that. My hands are already covered in blood.”

“We just want him back,” Jaemin explains, talking softly like he would to a cat ready to pounce, “That’s all we want. He’s my friend. One of the best guys in the world. It doesn’t have to end in him dying.”

“But it does, can’t you see? If I don’t kill him, all the sacrifices we’ve made would have been for nothing. My people are already dying from poverty. And we won’t be able to stand on our own until all of you get out of my damn country!”

Jaemin understands where he is coming from. He wishes he had that same kind of pride for his own country. But he doesn’t. He’s not wielding this gun for South Korea, anyway.

From the corner of his eye, he sees Yangyang move in from behind them and he makes sure not to show it on his face. From his assailant’s hold, Chenle looks at him with fear but also acceptance. It’s something he doesn’t want to see.

Jaemin shakes his head at him, hopes he hears the silent warning, _don’t do anything_. Yangyang will save you.

But there’s something about Chenle’s demeanor that warns Jaemin that he won’t just sit still and let this man use him as a tool. Jaemin makes a bet and calls out, “Hey, let’s just talk things through. I’m going to put my gun down. Let’s negotiate something.”

“You don’t get to call the shots around here,” He says, pushing the barrel of the gun he’s holding harder against Chenle’s temple. “But sure, put your gun down.”

“I’ll do it on one condition,” Jaemin says, “Point the gun at me instead. What do you have to lose? If I do something bad, you can just shoot me and then shoot him right after, right?”

The guy huffs, “If you’re trying to fool me, you can’t.”

Jaemin laughs, “I’m just a simple old guy. Didn’t even go to college. I wouldn’t dare try. If you kill me, it’s okay too. I’m nobody important.”

“Are you trying to make me feel sorry for you?”

Jaemin shrugs, keeping eye contact with the guy and slowly moving to put his gun down. Chenle struggles against the hold the guy has him in and pleads, “Jaemin-hyung, please don’t.”

“I’ve put my gun down, I’m not a threat anymore.” Jaemin says, but when the guy doesn’t make a move to put the gun away from Chenle’s head, Jaemin has no choice but to take a step forward.

That alarms the guy, “Don’t come close or I’m gonna shoot him.”

“Why are you so scared? You’re the one with the gun.” Jaemin argues, taking another step forward. From behind the guy, Yangyang glares at him, as if to say _what the fuck are you doing_.

Eventually, Jaemin gets too close for the guy’s comfort that he finally points to gun at Jaemin. Good, he thinks, nodding. Chenle looks at him with worry, but there’s no need for that.

Jaemin nods, and it all happens fast after that. Yangyang kicks the guy’s legs from behind and manages to separate Chenle from him. But the shock has the guy pulling the trigger and thank god, this guy is clearly incompetent with a gun. He misses Jaemin’s chest and hits him on the leg instead.

It still hurts like a motherfucker.

Yangyang immediately kicks the gun out of the guy’s hand and puts him in a chokehold. Jaemin doesn’t watch what happens after that. He drags himself to Chenle, his blood dripping on the floor. In the midst of it all, Chenle had fallen unconscious, and Jaemin has to haul him up, pulling his arm over his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his waist.

Yangyang yells out, “I’ll deal with this, everybody else has been dealt with. Go outside and wait for me.”

\--

Jaemin limps back, holding an unconscious Chenle in his arms. Jeno’s hands are bloody, but he looks okay, overall, and he hands Chenle over to him. Jeno holds him in his arms like something precious, tucking his head onto Chenle’s shoulders, his hands shaking.

They all look a little worse for wear, and they climb into their van, bruised but with everything intact. It’s a success as far as mission goes. Mark sits next to Jaemin this time and Mark blearily touches Jaemin’s temple and the tips of his fingers are stained with blood.

Mark looks at him with concern, but all Jaemin does is smile, reaching out to touch the bruising on Mark’s jaw and his split lip, “It’s alright. Donghyuck will fix it up.”

The ride to the compound feels longer this time. Maybe it’s because his body wants to shut down and sleep for a long, long time. Maybe it’s because he’s aching to go home to the person who’s waiting for him.

By the time their ride enters the compound, Jaemin’s eyes are almost closed and he’s jolted awake when Yukhei brings the car to a stop and the door opens.

There, at the front of their van, stands Donghyuck. And as ironic as it is, this is the first time Jaemin thinks he looks like his father, Dong Yoon. Incredibly intimidating. Waiting for Mark to give him his report.

Mark steps out of the van first and Donghyuck’s face barely betrays any emotion, looking Mark up and down, assessing for injuries. “No sweet words for your hyung?”

Donghyuck glares at him, “You must have gotten hit on your head pretty badly to be flirting with me right now. Go to Kun-hyung and get yourself fixed.”

Mark grins, though it hurts with his split lip, “You don’t want to know the results of the operation?”

“It’s successful if you have the nerve to smile at me right now,” Donghyuck rolls his eyes, “Also, move out of the way. Jeno’s been struggling to get out of the van this whole time and he’s got someone who needs help more than you.”

It’s Renjun and Jisung who help Jeno get out of the van. Jisung taking Chenle’s unconscious form from Jeno’s reluctant hands. They take him inside the medical lab to give him proper first aid treatment, before they fly him out to get help at a real hospital, back in China. The Chairman’s orders.

Jaemin stumbles out of the van, clutching his head, and straight into Donghyuck’s arms. Jaemin hugs him tight, almost collapses against him and his warmth. “I kept my promise. I came back.”

Donghyuck pulls away, so that he can take inventory of every bruise and cut on his body, and Jaemin smiles dopey, “You are a sight for sore eyes. I would kiss you if everything did not hurt right now.”

Yangyang ruins their moment by calling out to them, “Hyuck, that guy’s been shot, so don’t let him sweet talk you.”

Donghyuck smiles and answers without taking his eyes off of Jaemin, “Don’t worry, I can handle him just fine.”

After that everything is a blur, the last thing Jaemin remembers is being carried and then being blinded by the sun rising in the horizon. The rest fades to black.

\--

Disillusionment is like a broken mirror. Once the cracks appear, you can never quite look at things the same way you used to. That’s the way it was for Jaemin. The military would never give him the things he seeked. Once he realized that, there was no reason to stay.

He politely declined the promotion they offered and left without looking back.

Is he anymore self-fulfilled than he was months ago? He doesn’t know. But is he happier? Absolutely.

He finds happiness in the small but certain things in life. He likes the town that they live in, with its little bike paths that run all the way to the ocean. He likes waking up early, just to have enough time to enjoy his hot cup of coffee, even if his husband whines that it wakes him up early too. He likes that he has time to kiss him goodbye before he has to leave to go to work.

His new job brings him happiness too. It’s a small orphanage, not unlike the one he used to volunteer at as a child. This time, he’s more of a permanent member of the orphanage, working as a staff.

His days pass quickly in between getting kids set up, teaching them, and then playing with them. The kids are terribly cute and playful, reminding him of the rowdy group of kids he trained with in the military. He has a soft spot for all of them, but he can’t help but admit that one child in particular has captured his heart.

It was a little baby girl, about two years of age, and her name was Sunny. She was just learning how to run around and walk without needing to hold a caretaker’s hand, but Jaemin had been in-charge of keeping a watchful eye on her and making sure she didn’t get hurt. He would sit next to her at meal times and be amazed at the conversations they would have.

Like today for example, Jaemin watched as she bit into the cantaloupe he had cut for her. She had giggled when he placed the cup of fruit in front of her, and immediately grabbed one with her own hand. She looked like a cute little hamster with her cheeks puffed up.

“Jaem,” Sunny called out, “Hungry?”

Cute, Jaemin melted, as Sunny grabbed a cubed fruit and extended her arm to feed him. She cheered, “yum!” when Jaemin ate the fruit.

He adored her and dreaded the day someone else took her home. It doesn’t help that when people who are looking to adopt come visit the orphanage, she turns away from other people’s touch and reach for Jaemin. He doesn’t miss the longing look she gives him when he says goodbye to go home.

He carries her sad expression in his heart on his way home and wonders what Donghyuck would say if he asked to take her home. Maybe, he should bring Donghyuck to work to meet her. He pictures her small little fist held in Donghyuck’s hand and her in Donghyuck’s arms and by the time he reaches the front door of his house, his heart is filled with dreams of a little family.

He’s consumed by his thoughts that he doesn’t even notice how odd it was that all the lights in their home are off. Donghyuck had specifically mentioned that he was going to leave his clinic early today, so that they could do something for his birthday.

He takes off his shoes and when he moves to turn the lights open, streamers burst into the air and he sees balloons scattered around and Donghyuck and all of his friends are all wearing party hats. All together, they start singing, “Happy Birthday to youuuuuu--”

Donghyuck holds a big cake that’s overflowing with lit candles and while everybody else continues the birthday song, he moves closer to bring the cake towards Jaemin. He looks so cute with the party hat on his head and his brown sweater and he’s got such a concentrated look on his face, as to make sure he doesn’t drop the cake.

He’s all Jaemin can see. All those secretive phone calls he’s been making, the insistence on actually celebrating Jaemin’s birthday for once and his numerous questions on what he wants to receive as a present, it all makes sense now.

Donghyuck joins in on the last few bars of the song, looking at Jaemin with such warm eyes, “Happy Birthday, dear Jaemin, happy birthday to you!” 

Everybody cheers for him to make a wish and blow out the candles, so Jaemin does what he’s told. He thinks of Sunny and Donghyuck and their bright smiles. He thinks of all his friends who are here with him today. For the first time, he thinks of tomorrow and smiles.

He closes his eyes and wishes for this small happiness to last forever and blows.

**Author's Note:**

> This was only supposed to be 10k max, my friends, but it turned out to be such a monster of a fic. I have never written anything this long. But I thought that nahyuck deserved it and had tons fun writing it. There are so many scenes I wanted to include - more of Hyuck's POV for example, more rensung and jenle, or something silly and lighthearted. 
> 
> In any case, I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!!


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